Insights and Pen Rights by Megan

Silly Imaginings

2011-01-29T19:33:00.000-05:00

I have been in OSLEP (Oklahoma Scholar Leadership Education Program) for the past 4 days. The first day of class one of the writing assignments was for the class as a whole to generate a list of words and then each one of us had to write a story out of our imagination using those words. I rather like the way that mine turned out :) haha makes me laugh

Once upon a time, the Dalai Lama, who is considered to be very wise, found out that he wasn't a very good cook. On this particular day, he attempted to make sushi from a roly-poly. He found the taste to be bitter, and the thought that he had killed the innocent roly-poly for such a vile taste filled him with sadness and regret. However, he still craved good sushi so he sought out a pirate who he figured would have knowledge of such things. After all, it was either that or his neighbor the track star. The pirate did prove to be a good teacher, and the Dalai Lama made such excellent sushi that the pirate encouraged him to open a sushi stand at the local duck pond. It was a huge success. In fact the Dalai Lama was able to afford ukulele players and hula dancers as nightly entertainment for the guests. Soon people were driving their yellow cars down miles of road just to taste this sushi fresh from the waves of the ocean. It was even better than twizzlers and coffee. And that is how the Dalai Lama became the most famous sushi chef in the world and of course, lived happily ever after.

Love, School, and More Life

2011-01-11T03:27:00.000-05:00

     Today marks the second day of school. Second semester, junior year. I cannot begin to tell you how ready I am to graduate. I often question why I am going to school in the first place. I realize it will be beneficial to me, but I have discovered that I am not the type of person to enjoy school. I can succeed it in sure, but it absolutely takes all my willpower to make me get up in the morning and sit in a classroom for hours upon end. Not to mention the additional time constraint of homework every night. Nevertheless, I must finish what I start.
     This semester will prove to be interesting. I have taken over the Arts and Entertainment pages of the Cameron Collegian. As of yet, I really am not sure what I am doing. All I know is I'm assigning stories to people. Hopefully I get the hang of it soon.
    As for classes, well once again Cameron University fudged up. Switched my advanced speech teacher. I'd have no problems with it except that I'm not really a fan of this teacher. He drives me crazy, but thankfully he was an easy teacher last I had him so maybe my stress level will be lower with him. My other classes are Accounting, Management, News Editing, Newspaper Reporting, and Weight Training. Why weight training? Well, Cameron requires that you take 4 P.E. credits to graduate and it fit in my schedule. No, I'm not trying to scare my brother by being one of those buff women. (He says that is is only fear.)
      On to the good stuff. I honestly thought I would be single for a long time after my last relationship. Scratch that. I wanted to be single for a long time after my last relationship. I was tired of getting hurt over and over again. But sometimes life has other plans.
     I met Jacob the Thursday before New Years. I had just gotten off work, and randomly decided to stop by Buffalo Wild Wings to hang out with friends from church. My friends from church go there every Thursday night after our young adult service. I hadn't planned on going. I was tired, in uniform, but I hadn't been able to go in a few weeks so I told myself I would stop by on the way home for just a few minutes. Well, it's hard to go to BWW on Thursday night without getting some wings so my few minutes went through the window pretty quickly. Good thing I stopped to eat or I might have missed the greatest blessing in my life from the past few weeks. I had known Jacob's brother for a few months, and was supposed to meet Jacob about a month before. Jacob was down from North Carolina visiting his dad and brother. Conversation struck up and we hit it off...
New Year's Night we started our relationship. Yeah it hasn't been going very long, but there are little things that keep popping up that are serious answers to prayers years prayed. I have no doubt that we will last, that we will be happy, that he will be there with me through thick and thin, and that I can share my life with him. Seriously, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's the kind of guy that pumps the gas and opens the car door for the girl no matter how much she may roll her eyes or tell him he doesn't have to. He's taken the time to get to know my family, adopted my parents as surrogate parents. I could go on and on, but I don't want to... I don't want anybody trying to steal him away haha. :) But my friends have been able to notice a difference in me even over facebook chat or phone how much happier I seem with him than anybody else. One friend remarked that he hasn't seen me this happy in a long time. Thank you God and please let it last.
Other than that, not much is going on here. I look forward to the day when I get a real job and quit serving drinks and appetizers to people on a daily basis. I like being a waitress, but at the same time I hate it. It gets so monotonous. I'm ready to move on, but I don't see that happening until graduation....pooh. So maybe I'll start blogging more to break up the work drone.

Musings

2010-12-29T15:44:00.000-05:00

I should have known that a second chance would turn into a second heartbreak. I honestly still loved you. I expected the same from you. How was I to know that you were just lonely for a warm body? A role that almost anyone could have played. I should have seen the signs, not been so quick to let you back in, but I was afraid to say no to love, and less afraid of the further damage you could cause.
My heart don't heal as quickly as it used to. Each cut seems deeper than the last. I will not; I cannot trust you ever again. Don't bother coming back. I don't want you. I'll find better. This wound will heal and I'll move on.

Unconditional

2010-12-27T03:59:00.003-05:00

A very dear friend of mine requested that this be updated in light of recent events. I don't even know where to start. I'm in the process of learning a very important lesson. It relates to human unconditional love. I firmly believe that somewhere out in the big world there are people who still know how to love unconditionally. For some reason, I have not met these people at the right time in my life as of yet. However, while my faith in it may be blurred right now, my hope and prayer for it manifested in my life does still exist.
I recently dated a guy who I met here in Oklahoma, but who ended up being moved by Uncle Sam to Colorado. Things started off perfectly as they always do, and slowly we began having our ups and downs. The ups were great, but the downs got to us. He eventually decided that he couldn't handle the stress of long distance relationship coupled with the possibility of a deployment. He broke up with me.
I heard from him only a couple of times in the months that followed. Three in all. And then one day out of the blue, he called me. We began talking again and he promised that he still loved me and that he always would. I took the bait-hook, line, and sinker. Within a few weeks, he was planning a future with me. We even entered what most would call an engagement. Until about a week ago, life was great. Then he started not calling, or not answering his phone. I prepared myself for the worst, but he tried to assure me that everything was great with us. I finally managed to work up the courage to ask him if he was cheating on me. He didn't give us the chance to discuss it, but instead chose to ignore me for about a day and a half (which if you know me is like a millenium because I'm the most impatient person on the planet). Ignored my phone calls, texts, and facebook messages. I know I pushed too hard for an answer-that was my mistake. I took full responsibility for the argument. I apologized. However, when he finally did respond, he decided that he would rather not try to work past our squabble and live without me than to continue to love me. He claims that he fell out of love with me within the 24 hours that we didn't talk. Not only that, but he broke up with me in a text message without giving me a chance to even talk. That's not love, and it really makes me wonder if he ever loved me.
As I look back, I realize how much of the relationship was centered around him. I have worn myself thin the past few weeks trying to please him, and be the perfect girlfriend. Fearing that if I didn't measure up to his standards he would leave me behind. And most of the time I didn't measure up. I worried about his safety too much or wanted to talk to him more than once a day, etc. I failed to realize how much I was compromising by being with him. Even though I truly loved him, and I still do, it was not a healthy relationship. He loved me only when things were perfect between us. He didn't choose to share our lives. I was like the perfect set of rims on a new tire. Just an accessory. And when my shine started to fade-it was time to trade me in for the newer model.
As much as I looked forward to my life with him, I only pray that this was God's way of saving me from what I couldn't see myself. I'm hurt and I'm disappointed, but if I stop and reflect I know it's eventually for the better. Someday someone is going to look past my faults and see the loving heart that's here. I have bad days sometimes like everyone, but instead of judging me and ignoring me this man will tell me everything's gonna be ok. There will be problems, but over time we will grow stronger through the problems we CHOOSE to work through TOGETHER. It won't happen everytime, but the solution to those that we do work through together will be so much better than those we work out on our own.
True love is unconditional. It accepts you for who you are, but encourages you to be the most you can be. It is not selfish or proud. And that's a piece of Biblical truth right there so you know it's good stuff.

A Year?

2010-11-22T03:07:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been almost a year since I published anything on here. Fail. lol. I'm not even going to try and catch anyone reading up on this what's happened in the last year. There would just be too much to explain lol. So I'll just hit the high points.
I'm a junior at Cameron University. Three more regular semesters. WOOHOO! My major is journalism and I am a published reporter. You can read some of my stuff on www.aggiecentral.com
I'm still a waitress but I recently got a new job and will be moving to a new restaurant where the pay should be better.
I'm living with family and I attend an awesome church. Lawton First Assembly-that's where it's at.
For those of you who remember, I used to frequently deal with headaches. Well, they're back. In fact, guess what I did today? Yep, I had to make a trip to the ER. Oh the memories there.
Doctors can't find anything that is wrong so for now it's meds and sucking it up.

But life is good. And I'm blessed. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful church family.
I'm going to try and blog more.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T03:03:00.003-05:00

So this started out as a diary entry. It's kinda personal, but I think it's important too. It's an area of my life that could definitely use some improvement, and surely there are other people in the same boat as well.
...I guess normally New Year posts would be about omg! it's 2010 and oh these are my new year resolutions. And mine is to a point. I mean yeah I want to do all the normal stuff that I put down every year like strengthen my relationship with God, lose weight, and overall be a better person. But somehow I manage to forget those come oh I don't know sometime early than February. This year I want to concentrate on one thing that I think will really improve my life and that won't be too hard to remember or even do. If you know much about me, you know I've been hurting a lot in relationships lately. Some of it is certainly self-inflicted from stupid decisions, but some wasn't. But that's not the point. Today I heard a really thought-provoking song at work called, "What Might Have Been" by Little Texas. I'm going to try and remember to post a link to it at the end. It was not the first time I had heard it but it really made me think today. The song is all about what could have been if this guy had ended up marrying someone else. And I realized that sometimes I think about that. Not intentionally, but it's hard not to. So here's the point: I'm going to work on not thinking about that anymore. I mean I can't change what happened in the past to work out how I used to dream they would. And honestly I don't want it to happen that way anymore. The other guys I have dated should have no impact on my life anymore. I'm ready to let go of them all. Kinda like Matthew McConaughey in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past except the opposite. All thinking of this stuff is going to do is poison the current relationship you are in. I'm in an amazing relationship with boy I don't ever want to picture life without. I don't want to ruin that by time-to-time thinking about what would have happened if I was still with so-and-so. So it's definitely time to forget about the pain, love, and other feelings that have to do with those other guys. I mean God is definitely sovereign and there is a reason my life is different right now than what I might have predicted a year ago. I'm positive that once I completely let go of all this, my relationship with Ryan will be so much more amazing that it is right now and more amazing than I could even dream about right now!
And maybe this doesn't only have to do with relationships. There are definitely times that my family or I moved and I didn't necessarily want to, but I got to not think about what could have happend if I had/or had not moved. I can still be friends with those people, but ultimately I need to move forward and let God have the control of my life to live a life that is blessed and fruitful as a Christian that could compare to no other lifestyle as well as just being content with the life that I currently live.

Anyways, happy new year to you all. Let's make 2010 a great year to be alive!
"What Might Have Been" by Little Texas

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T17:21:00.002-05:00

I doubt I will be getting on here tomorrow be posting on my blog tomorrow to tell you all a Merry Christmas. So Merry Christmas to you now.
Here in Oklahoma we will certainly be having a white Christmas. With at least a foot of snow, this will be the whitest Christmas we will have had in a while. The wind is blowing very strongly right now that it is picking up the snow and blowing it across the yard.

In other news if you haven't heard, I'm transferring to Cameron University here in Oklahoma. This was a hard decision but in the end it will save me a lot of money since I will be living at home again. We'll see how it goes. I already have a job and it is as a waitress at Cracker Barrel. School starts on the 11th and that's whats going on with me right now!

Intoxication

2009-12-11T00:09:00.002-05:00

I wrote a poem a while back, but I never posted it. Mainly because the feelings surrounding it were too strong to be posted on the internet. But things with that person never worked out so the poem holds much less memory so it's safe to post it now I guess.

Intoxication
Your arms encircle me
Your voice gets lower
You pull me closer to you
And I slip into a happy dream

I can feel your warm breath on my ear
I smile as you stroke my hair from my face
Blocking out awareness of my surroundings
You lean in and your cheek rubs mine.

Thoughts of you swirl in my mind
When your nose brushes mind
My eyes close as our lips meet
All acts of a sweet expression of affection

Curveball

2009-11-23T10:00:00.004-05:00

Not every curveball is a bad thing. Sometimes it can be just the moment you needed to turn your life around. In fact, I'm wondering if they are really curveballs at all. Maybe they are just the circumstances in life that are headed to where you are supposed to be in life until they curve just to hit you on the head to kinda show you how far from where you are supposed to be you really are. Did that make any sense at all? I don't know. But anyways, curveballs seem to be able to take a variety of forms. Mine came in the form of a person, Ryan Adamson.
We've only been dating two weeks now, but they have been some of the best weeks of my life. They have changed how I view school, how homesick I am, and many other things. I look forward to everyday now even if there is homework or tests looming before me on that day.
I met Ryan through a mutual friend. She set us up on a date . I don't think either of us exactly expected things to work out, but were excited about giving it a shot. Things did work out, and a little over a week later we were dating. Things have been seriously amazing.
On another note, Thanksgiving has its pros and cons this year. I am spending it in Big Spring with my grandparents and my family is coming down. I am so excited to see them since I have not since September, but I will have to go almost 4 days without seeing Ryan. Hopefully that phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" proves to be true in this situation. But regardless, it will be a wonderful time.
Finals start the 6th and I will finish the 10th. Hard to believe another semester is coming to a close.

Sick

2009-10-22T11:04:00.002-04:00

I feel like a lazy bum. I have spent much of the past 1-1/2 weeks in bed. It started out with the flu. I went to the University Health Clinic 3 times in 4 days. Unfortunately that didn't do much for me. The first time they just told me to take tylenol and gave me some sore throat drops. The second time they told me to go buy some sudafed. The third time they told me I would be better soon. All of these times they told me to keep drinking fluids and get plenty of rest. The last time that I went there was on Friday. Over the weekend I still was not getting any better.
Monday morning I called and tried to make an appointment with a real doctor, but they were all out of appointments. The Air Force base gave me a referral to a community walk-in clinic. But by the time I actually felt like going over there they were not taking any new patients for the day.
I got up the next morning and went to the clinic again. I waited in the waiting room for 2-1/2 hours before I could be seen. Finally they took a look at me. They did a chest x-ray and a flu swab. The flu swab came out negative, but the chest x-ray provided some results. The flu that I had had the week before had developed into a bad case of bronchitis and the early stages of pneumonia. Something that Im pretty sure would never have been caught if I had kept going to the University clinic. The doctor gave me a shot of antibiotics as well as prescribed me some antibiotics, some decongestant, and some heavy cough syrup. Two pharmacies later I was finally feeling like I would be getting better soon.
So far I have missed 8 at least partial days of classes, and more days of work than that. I am supposed to be able to go back to school today, but still not feeling strong enough for that so hopefully tomorrow.
Thank you all for your prayers for those of you who know I was sick.

Sept. 11 Memories.

2009-09-21T16:42:00.002-04:00

Ok. I actually wrote this on Sept. 11. (in Governemnt class....shhhh....) but i did not get around to posting it until now. Not that it matters. It never hurts to remember the bravery of the individuals of that day.

Where Were You:
Almost every American remembers where they were when they heard the news that flashed across the TVs in American homes. These hijackings set in motion an intensity of emotion that some citizens were unaware could arise. First came a feeling of shock How could someone manage to execute this plan in America? Before this time, Americans had a false sense of security. We are supposedly one of the strongest nations in the world. Who would dare to mess with us?
I think the next feeling was fear. Who was attacking us? If they dared to attack us where did they come from and what else was planned? Are my loved ones ok? Will they be able to rescue any survivors? We all thought of the people we knew that lived in New York or in Washington D.C and wondered how it affected them.
Another feeling was rage. Anger for putting our security and liberty in jeopardy. Angry that someone would dare to take the lives of so many people for the sake of the terrorist's jihad.
But through this mess of emotion one feeling should have and did stand out: patriotism. United by the feelings of shock, fear, and anger, Americans came together. One feeling possibly not thought of when the Taliban leaders were planning these attacks. A necessity for justice overwhelmed Americans as well as grief for those who were lost that day. These
However, I believe that as Americans moved farther away from this day, they forgot the feelings they had. We complain because of the strict airport travel regulations. We are pulling troops from Iraq and possibly Afghanistan. Before we do this, I think we should really stop and examine and make sure that we have finished what we set out to accomplish there. I realize that Iraq may or may not have had much to do with the Sept 11 events, but we still are fighting a war there and are trying to stabilize their economy to prevent future damage. Should we really pull out?
September 11, 2001 is a day that should never be forgotten. If we do, it will be that easy for an event like September 11 to happen again. As Americans we must remember the feeling of patriotism that we felt eight years ago. We should stop letting our political differences damage the friendships and feeling of unity that we could have. We must never forget September 11.

Homesick

2009-08-31T00:30:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone. I would appreciate prayers right now. I'm so homesick it's not funny. I'm making friends here too. I really don't understand. I'm relatively happy here at school, but I constanstly find myself yearning for home. I feel as if I have no one to love here, and no one to love me. So please pray cuz I can't do this much longer. Thanks. Love you all.

More Poetry

2009-08-25T23:01:00.004-04:00

Thank you to my inspiration. You are so amazing!!!! <3 <3

The Rubberband

Thoughts of you are foremost in my mind
Brought to mind by an item oh so commonplace
Simply a reminder of yet another day
Another day you lit a smile on my face
Bringing to mind the laughter we shared
Looking at this simple band on my wrist
A bright ray of sunshine streams into my heart
Flooding my soul with streams of warm emotion.

Texas bound

2009-08-12T21:14:00.010-04:00

I am sitting in my hotel room in Clinton, Mississippi thinking about all that has transpired since I last posted. It's been quite a lot. I'll start with last Saturday.

Last Saturday-It was my last day working at chick-fil-a waugh chapel. I'm not really sure you are supposed to be that upset when you leave your job, but whenever your coworkers at your job have become your second family, you are bound to get upset. It's harder than it was last time I went to college. I have grown closer to many of the people there, partly as a result of me coming out of my shell quite a bit over the past year. Also, I knew last time that I would be coming back. This time I am not so sure. Anyways, it was a great day for the most part. I guess as good as it could be. Kayla brought in pink roses, and a little stuffed monkey and a balloon for me. And Tina made me a special gameplan and had everyone sign the back of it. I took my camera to work that day and the day before in order to get pictures with a lot of my friends there. Three o'clock came all too quickly, and I was soon clocking out for the last time.

Sunday-I played Chick-fil-a soccer, and then went to Rita's and hung out with Andy, Ariel, and Bryan P. I had swedish fish rita's. It sounds weird I know, but it was so good. Plus they give you a package of Swedish fish so it's even better. :) Afterwards, I went with my family to meet our friends the Kinkades who we had not seen in 3 years. It was great to see them again. After that, I went to Joey's house to watch a movie with him, Ruthanne and Mike called the soloist. Fairly good movie, but not a favorite. All that was left for the day was staying up till four in the morning to do all that packing I had been procrastinating about.
Monday-I had to get up at 7 to be able to sell my textbooks from summer school at the college. Then came home, finished packing, and loaded up my car. The rest of the day was perfect. Really perfect. Too perfect to even write about. But I did get very upset when I to tell someone special goodbye. My spirits were lifted when I hung out with Tim and Aaron in the pouring down rain in the Chick-Fil-A parking lot. They were fun to be with and made me laugh even though I had to tell them bye too. I got soaked standing outside, but honestly it felt so good. It almost seemed to wash away all the stress and worries. By the time I left there I was laughing. Then I went to Kayla's for the night.
Tuesday-Said bye to Kayla. :'( Picked up my uniforms at the cleaners, dropped them off at chick-fil-a. Ate breakfast at chick-fil-a and said a final goodbye to the people working. I love that the last familiar face I saw in Maryland was Tina's smiling face waving goodbye from the drive-thru window. I miss that place. I drove down to Potomac Mills to meet Mom. From there we drove to Greenville, SC. It was a very emotional day. There were times that I got so incredibly sad just thinking about the fact that I was leaving. Songs would come on the radio that I would sing at Chick-fil-a with my friends and I would have to switch the station. It was hard.
Wednesday (today)-Left South Carolina. I am doing better emotionally. I wish I was at Chick-fil-a working right now instead of in a hotel room bloggin but I am trying to be happy about this. I need to make friends in San Angelo, and people are not going to want to be friends with someone who is depressed. In other news, I decided Alabama is beautiful. Really beautiful. As far as the atmosphere goes, I am glad to be back in the SOUTH!! Even though Maryland is technically considered the South by some people, I'm sorry it's just not the same. I had Sonic for the first time since I left last year. It was so good! I have some pictures that I've taken along the way....

Me On Monday

South Carolina-my windshield is filthy I know.

South Carolina Again.

ATLANTA! HOME OF CHICK-FIL-A

Favorite State So Far is ALABAMA!

THIS made my day. Car in South Carolina. Hard Core Rap was playing. Wondering if I could get my car to look like that. ^_^

So Much To Do...So Little Motivation

2009-08-01T16:27:00.002-04:00

Well i just got off work and I have so much to do here at the house. Like pack, clean and get ready to move. But I cannot bring myself to do any of it. I feel like if I don't do it I could just push it off and never have to move. Yeah I know logically it won't work. But I seriously don't know if I can do it. Everytime I start to pack or think about packing I get incredibly sad and I don't work well when I am sad. So hopefully I can get some motivation worked up.
As far as the move goes, I am doing better, but I am still dreading it. I have kinda changed my mindset to the fact that there is no way around this move at the moment so I might as well try to be happy about it. I'm trying to remember the things I love about Texas. Like the fresh tortillas and salsa. My family and the friends I still have there. The country accents, and the cowboy boots and hats. The mild winters. The way that thunderstorms can spring up in moments. But that does not change the feeling of family that I feel like I have established here. Things will be better, but pray for me this week if you think about it.

Trials: Perspective and Purpose

2009-07-26T22:07:00.002-04:00

So I went to church this morning and the sermon was amazing so I thought I would share some of the notes I took from it. It really applied to what I have been going through.

The correct response to a trial is joy. Whenever we get to trials in life our perspective tends to shrine. We forget how BIG God i. We forget that He holds His children in his hands. That he will take care of our every need and that he knows how we will make it through the trial. He is not going to abandon us. The only way that we will feel abandoned is if we turn our back on God. Whether we walk through trials with our without God is our choice. This decision will determine the outcome of the trial, the feelings we will have during this trial, and whether we "win" or "lose."
We are not told that we MIGHT face trials or IF we face trials. It says WHEN. WHEN we face trials. We can't live life without expecting there to be hard times. Their will be. It's a promise.
Determine what your focus should be and what your perspective should be. Keep your focus and perspective right and it will e much easier to make it through the trial. Our outlook on the trial determines the outcome. Trials are not meant to break us. They are meant to make us stronger by testing our faith. The testing of our faith develops perseverance. Perseverance in turn allows us to develop into more mature Christians, mature and complete. It's very easy to trust God when things are going well. It gets difficult when things are bad.
The pastor asked a question at the beginning of the sermon-Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
The meaning of this question:
To begin with a carrot is strong, durable, and not easily broken. But place this in boiling water for a little while and it becomes weak and soft. This symbolizes someone who begins a trial strong, but allows the trial to get to them and eventually are worn done by it.
The egg has a thin but hard outer shell, but liquid inside. When it is placed in boiling water it gets hard on the inside. It symbolizes someone who goes into a trial weak, but by the time their faith has finished being tested they have become a stronger person.
The coffee bean starts out being strong, not easily broken, and has a good smell. When you place it in boiling water, it retains its aroma, is left with a good taste, and you can still pick out the coffee bean and it will still be hard and durable. This is a picture of someone who starts off well, but finishes even stronger.
Now the application is to determine whether the trials are going to cause us to be a coffee bean, an egg, or a carrot. Am I going to get stronger and better or am I going to allow myself to wilt?
God can bless us even in the midst of life's trials if we will only let him. The only correct response to trials is joy.

Sermon was by Mark Tanious, Asst. Pastor of Grace Baptist Church, Bowie.

Moving

2009-07-21T20:03:00.003-04:00

With less than three weeks left in Maryland, much of my thoughts are turned to my upcoming move. At the very beginning of the summer, I was looking forward to this move. I was going back to Texas the only state that at the time had any worth to me. But over the summer, I have realized how much I love the life I am living here. What changed? I don't even know if I can even name all the things that changed. It was such a gradual change, and i didn't fully realize the extent of my feelings toward this move until I had a chance to stay here.
I thought I had found a way I could afford to stay here. I thought I could work it out at work and manage my finances so that I could afford to rent an apartment on my own and be able to make it here on my own. And though I might could, there is too much unknown. I might could make it here, but I'm not for sure and so I have decided not to risk it.
Therefore, it is back to the original plan. I gave notice at work yesterday. My last day is August 8th. I'm leaving a good job, a church, and friends, especially a few VERY close ones. I can't help think that I am leaving behind me the best few months of my life. I can only hope the best will get better. I have an unexplainable feeling that I am making the right decision, but I am afraid that the next few months will be extremely hard. I am scared of starting school that I have never even set foot on, having to find a job in this tough economy, finding a new church, and making new friends. This has to be the hardest move ever. And I am pretty sure it is because for the first time I have the choice of whether or not to move. Before it has always been that the army has told dad where to go and as a family we followed. Although I do feel like this is the right choice, I guess my main underlying feeling is fear apart from the wish not to leave the people here.

Catch-up

2009-07-03T23:27:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone,
I put pictures of philadelphia trip up at www.photos.google.com/dreamingdaisy. Check em out. Right now I am in Boston with the family for the weekend. We got a really nice hotel here. Today we walked around downtown, took a trolley tour of the area, and did a self-guided walking tour of Harvard University. Man that campus is nice. Made me want to go there. Tomorrow we are taking a bus tour through New Hampshire and Maine. I'm so excited!!!
Now I want to digress to an experience that I had about a week ago. I had to go to the doctor to discuss my iron levels with my doctor. As I was sitting in the pharmacy waiting room, I noticed a little boy sitting in an aisle in front of me. He had about 5 strings of Twizzlers in his hand. He was so cute that I couldn't help but watch him. He had a mischievous smile that lit up his face. You could tell that he was enjoying life. Anyways, I watched him for a little while. His mom noticed me watching him, and she soon got into a conversation with my mom. That alone is rare in this area, as it seems like strangers don't talk to each other. But we were on a military base so that's an explanation for that. But when I went up to the window to get my medicine, the little boy came up to my mom and gave her a Twizzler to give to me. It was so sweet of him. Anyways, it made me wish that I found life as simple as that little boy seemed to view life. All that was on his mind right then was his Twizzlers. He seemed to find the beauty of life and lived life in the moment instead of worrying about the future or the past. Anyways, the little boy made a profound impression on me and I thought I would share it with you.

HAPPY JULY 4th TOMORROW!!!

New Poetry

2009-05-29T02:06:00.001-04:00

Sleepless

I know I need to sleep tonight,
But thoughts of you keep me awake.
I saw a picture of you today.
Saw the smile that lit your face.
Saw your eyes that shone with joy.
And I wonder what made you smile?
Wishing I might know the reason.
That I too might smile,
Forced to be content with your memory
To light the smile on my face instead
As I surrender to sleep tonight.

Life Right Now.

2009-05-26T23:59:00.005-04:00

Hey everyone.
So my family just got back from a mini vacation to Philadelphia and I will try to post a synopsis of that and some pictures later today or tomorrow.
Right now I want to talk about something I'm battling right now. It's called depression.
Yeah unfortunately for much of last week I was either battling or experiencing severe depression. Well severe for me anyways. I've been dealing with it pretty much all semester, but I guess I was so busy that I didn't notice or that I didn't have the time to let it get me down. Well, it pretty much has.
There's been a couple of reasons for this.
I've kinda lately been feeling like it is time to go back to college. Like back to an actual college. I miss the dorm life and being surrounded by college students. Also, I'm ready to be back in Texas in general. Maryland has been great, and I enjoy my friends here and activities, but Texas just feels like home.
Air Force Stuff-Good news! I took my AFOQT (Air Force Officer's Qualifying Test) and passed with a 77. I needed a 15 to pass. Unfortunately I have a difficult decision to make about the Air Force program. Do I want to say in? Not really, but the potential benefits are so overwhelming that it pretty much defies all logic to leave the program. The Question? Do I follow logic or follow my desire to be out in the civillian world?
I'm spiritually dry. I went from being very spiritually active last semester while I was at DBU to be very inactive this semester. Yes, a lot of it prolly had to do with the fact that I was no longer required to attend chapel three days a week, have a New Testament class three days a week, and a Developing a Christian mind class one day a week on top of church every week, but it still has been hard this semester. Everything started off great, but as the semester got busier, and homeowrk assignments became due, I started leaving off the stuff that I should have held onto tighter. And I can pretty much feel the impact of this in every other area of my life. Yeah not good. Plus I really miss my church in Dallas.
Then there's the age old relationship stuff. It's nothing new. I'm just trying to work out heart issues cuz right now I'm pretty lonely. Hopefully this time around I will learn to focus on God and school and work and let God bring the perfect guy into the picture instead of hoping for the guy to come into my life each day. It's like the quote that is becoming cliche thanks to facebook-
"Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut in." Hopefully I can learn that. Probably not, but maybe. Meanwhile I'll have material for new poetry.
I may have some mild health problems as well. For one thing, the migraines that I thought I was pretty much done with have started coming back. Not really sure why. As well as some stomach/nausea problems.
So anyways. This week is going to be busy since my first summer class starts so hopefully that will help keep my mind off the problems that plagued me last week. Algebra. Ugh. But pictures and stories from Philly coming soon.

True Beauty

2009-05-13T16:47:00.002-04:00

So I was trying to write a scholarship essay. I thought the topic was defining real beauty, but once I got writing I kinda got off the real topic of who is the most beautiful woman to me. So it didn't turn out so good for the essay contest, but it makes for a good blog entry. Unfortunately there's not cash with blogging.

TRUE BEAUTY

Today there is a great deal of focus on the outside characteristics of a woman. We elevate our pop stars and celebrity models in our culture. Young girls, teenagers, and young women look at magazines often times and wish they looked as pretty as the girls on the covers. I think our society also pushes women to look like the girls in the commercials and magazines. Society want women’s faces to be flawless, be thin , have the perfect tan, and own the perfect wardrobe. True beauty is not, however, what can be seen on the outside.
True beauty is more than just appearance. It involves several aspects that will set you apart from other people. It includes a devotion to truth and what you believe. A woman with true beauty does not compromise to be like everyone else. She will have compassion for those less fortunate. She will always desire to be kind, but also have a strong drive to succeed in life. A woman with true beauty values the family and friendships that surround her. She does not base her self-worth on the opinions of others, but instead carries confidence within herself, which is evident by the smile of confidence that can be seen on her face in most situations. A woman with true beauty does try to look nice and will try to stay up-to-date in the fashion trends, but she will do so with a style that expresses her personality instead of only what is trendy at the moment. Furthermore, she does so to improve herself and to look her best at all times, not to impress the world.
Solomon is thought by many to be the wisest man that ever lived. In his collection of proverbs, he includes a description of a virtuous woman. Many of the characteristics that are included in this description apply to my description of a virtuous woman as well. One thing that is emphasized here is her desire to work both in the home for her family and also to earn money. She puts in long hours to ensure that her family’s needs are met and that there is enough cash flowing into the household. Another thing that is included is the fact that she plans ahead. A woman with true beauty is not often caught unaware because she pays attention to her surroundings and plans for the future. Solomon says that a virtuous woman is adorned with honor and is respected and praised by those who know her well. This ties in very well with a woman of true beauty.
Appreciating true beauty comes when someone appreciates the beauty that is found on the outside, but in the end is concerned with the person’s inner characteristics. Too many times, I believe society pushes away people that may not be that glamorous on the outside and never really get to know the amazing person that lies underneath the person’s shell. If, as a society, we paid more attention to the inside characteristics of women and people in general, we would most likely elevate the less corrupt people to high positions. This could revolutionize our business, our politics, our family lives, our nation, and indirectly the world.
True beauty is not sought after by women nearly enough these days. Instead, women seek after the shallow characteristics that can only be seen on the outside. The real beauty, however, comes after finding the gem that is rarely found underneath a woman’s exterior.

Update Soon

2009-05-11T14:49:00.001-04:00

I'm working on an update. I am in the middle of finals week right now and I will get one out the end of this week. Promise. It's been way too long since I blogged.

I'm Sorry....What is the Name of This Game We Are Playing?

2009-03-24T12:22:00.004-04:00

So time for a slightly thoughtful post...

I've been thinking about this game that for many is a constant emotional rollercoaster. Now I can't say how this goes for adults cuz I do not have that experience. But it seems to me that for young people we are losing sight of what is really important in a relationship. I hear constantly from people around me what attracts them to member of the opposite gender. I think we have distorted what love is and have commercialized it.
Girls now feel the need to go tanning, wear the latest fashions, be super slim, have plastic surgery, and countless other things all so they can look better for whoever it is that they are trying to impress. From lack of experience I don't know as many things on the guy's part. But guys pay for a gym membership (okay so that's probably not the only reason) and worry about how nice their cars are (again probably not the only reason). But still we have taken love and made it fit the the commercialized beat of America. Is there nothing that can be done without the commercialization? Love isn't about whether your body is the perfect hue of golden brown, or whether you paid $100 for your outfit or $30000 dollars for your car. We do this all so that maybe one person will glance over at you and then stop to take a second look. We have changed our view of love to where it relates to the outside of a person instead of looking at the inside of a person. Many times now we say love when we mean infatuated or attracted. They mean completely different things. Don't "fall in love" just because the guy across the room locked eyes with you, and then came over and started flirting with you. Fall in love with someone because of their character. Until that happens, your relationships will be empty and eventually will become meaningless.
Maybe I'm wrong. But that's my opinion. Too many relationships now are just a game. A game of trying to keep up an image instead of letting the other person get to know the real you.

First Day of Spring

2009-03-21T01:35:00.005-04:00

At 7:44 this morning, the world officially started the spring season of 2009. Winter has dragged on enough according to the calendar. If only we could get rid of the winter weather. Although the temperatures have been fairly warm the past few days, and we are looking at warm temperatures the next few days, they are still slightly cooler than what I feel is normal for spring. But then again...where have I lived most of my life? Yeah it kinda makes sense.

Round here, the first day of spring is viewed almost as a major holiday. No they do not get a day off school or work, but it is filled with local flavor. For example, Rita's Ice Cream shops all served free ice cream today with no strings attached to start the season off in style. Radio stations announced spring the moment the season changed. Marylanders have had enough of the cold, dreary, rainy, snowy, and gray days. I believe I speak for the majority of us when I say we are ready for blue skies, warm sunshine, and white clouds. Here are some pictures from last spring to help with the celebration.

Did You Know?

2009-02-23T18:58:00.003-05:00

In the spirit of nutrition class, I am going to post some random nutrition that you might find interesting. These all come from my textbook.
1. Females in general have more taste buds than males.
2. Most native Americans, Chinese, and Southeast Asians are thought to be lactose intolerant.
3. Pasta is actually a Chinese food dating from the first century. Marco Polo imported them into Italy in the 1300s.
4. Not sure what this has to do with nutrition but companion comes from the latin word companio which means one who shares bread.
5. Honey and Karo Syrup are dangerous for babies because they contain spores of the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, they should never be fred to infants younger than one year of age. Infants do not produce as much stomach acid as older children and adults, so these spores can germinate in an infant's GI tract and cause botulism, a deadly foodborne illness.
6. Aspartame has methanol in it. YUM!
7. Make sure you carry beano with you if you plan on eating Jerusalem artichoke...it's worse than beans. ;)
8. Salt can do more than just make your food taste salty. Salt also supresses the bitter flavors in foods. When combined with chocolate in a chocolate-covered pretzel, for example, the salt bocks some of the bitter flavor, making the chocolate taste sweeter.
9. Only about one-third of our population are believed to have experienced a brain freeze.
10. Some African groups used to eat clay because of believed nutritional content. When analyzed, clay was found to be high in calcium, magnesium, potassium, copper, zinc and iron. However, when it goes through the GI tract, clay soil reduces the absorption of iron copper, and zinc.
11. Pica is often associated with pregnancy but not always. It is the natural craving for nonfood items such as dirt clay or laundry starch.
12.Puffer fish is a delicacy in Japan because it is dangerous to eat because of the poison. The risk is part of the adventure of eating it. When prepared properly, it is supposed to give eaters no more than a slight numbing feeling, but it can be life threatening.
13. A 6-oz can of tuna usually only holds 3.75 to 4 ounces of tuna because of the water in the tuna.
14. White on your nails does not necessarily mean a vitamin deficiency. Sometimes it may only be a slight injury to your nail that gave you the white spot.

Well that's all I have for now. Maybe I will find more interesting things as I continue through the semester.

So Sad

2009-02-12T00:18:00.003-05:00

I've spent the better part of the afternoon and evening on the brink of tears. I don't feel like sharing about the cause right now. But I will post a poem that I wrote about it this afternoon.

FLY AWAY MY LOVE

I stare at the same moon.
Yet you are so far away.
Our hearts used to be so close,
But now we are nothing.
The dreams have wasted away
Till they're nothing but a sad memory.
I want to hold on to you,
But you fly further away everyday.
Trying to keep you that near to my heart,
It's tearing me apart.
And so goodbye, my love,
Till the day the Lord may destine us together.

As of right now, this is not my course of action, rather the one I probably should be taking. Maybe someday I'll learn to follow my own advice to myself in this subject area.

Don't Have Time for This

2009-02-04T10:54:00.002-05:00

I really don't have time to blog right now, but it's been so long since I've given any sort of update. I'm alive though it doesn't always doing it. I am currently in the process of learning how hard it is to be a full-time student, work full-time, and try to maintain any part of a social life. What's killing me is the homework. My schedule consists of getting up at around 6 on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays to be at class at 8. I have class until 10 on Mondays and Wednesdays and 1 on Fridays. I usually start work at around 3 everyday. The time in between is filled with down time, errands, or homework...and lunch of course. I get off of work at 10:30 every night and am usually up doing homework until at least midnight usually later. And it's still not getting all done. All the estuff I have to turn in is getting done, but the stuff like reading is hard to fit in. Tuesdays are my good day-no class at all....so hopefully I can start sleeping in and getting some homework done before work. Thursdays are my hardest days-I have to be up before 5 so I can be an hour away at 6 for ROTC which lasts until 11 and then work at 3 and then homework for Friday. But enough of the complaining...that's not what this blog is for...
I get to go to Texas this weekend. I was going to Dallas, but after careful though decided it would be wiser to go to Big Spring where my grandparents reside. The purpose of this trip: to get my driver's license. Finally I will be a fully licensed Texas driver. Well if everything goes right. Hopefully it does, especially considering my record with trying to get driver's licenses.
The exciting part of this trip is that it will be the first time I have flown by myself. I am very excited.
In other news, I think I finally found a church to attend. I had been going to a church before I went away to college, but I didn't feel like that is where I was meant to be. My friend Kayla from Chick-fil-a introduced me to her church, and I've loved it. I still miss my church in Dallas but this one is great too. I've been twice and the worship music has been awesome and the sermons are great and deep. The pastors there seem to go straight from the Bible finding the topic in a passage of verses instead of starting with a topic and finding verses to fit their topic. It's my favorite type of preaching. I'm excited about hopefully getting more involved in the church in the next few months.
But anyways I should go....especially since I shouldn't really be blogging right now anyways.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2009-01-19T08:53:00.007-05:00

Well, we've made it to January 19 already. Another holiday season has come and gone. And now we find ourselves preparing for a new president to be inaugurated into office. In the midst of the preparation for this event tomorrow, may we not forget the importance of today. Today is the celebrated observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day which could easily be lost in the chaos of tomorrow's events, but there are also a lot of tie-ins to link these events together as well.
I think it is important that we remember the events of this day as they are key events in the history of the United States, but also it was a great progression in the civil rights movement of the United States. In 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr. led a march in Washington ending the march with his famous speech, "I Have A Dream," which transpired on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. What is the significance of the speech being given in this location? Martin Luther King, Jr. stood on the steps of the memorial of the President who had desperately tried to end slavery a century before. His speech was almost a continuing thought of what Lincoln had tried to establish in 1861 with the Emancipation Proclamation. Lincoln never really got to see the full effect of his proclamation due to his assassination, but it was one of the baby steps in giving liberty to all citizens. But back to Martin Luther King, Jr. Martin Luther King, Jr. won a Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent efforts to end racial segregation and discrimination. He was the youngest man to have won this in the history of the award, and also established himself as one of the greatest orators in this nation's history. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a contributor to peacefully finding a solution to the issues surrounding the Montgomery Bus Boycott. He worked so hard on this issue that his house was bombed as a result of his efforts. After his assassination in 1968 in Memphis, Tennessee, King was honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Medal of Honor.
As a nation we have come a long ways from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1865. As a nation, we have now elected a black president. And although I don't and many do not agree with everything he stands for, we should celebrate the fact that the U.S. has come this far in the civil rights movement since 1968-only 41 years ago. Although it seems like we will always have some racial discrimination against different people groups, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s dream to end racial discrimination is getting closer to becoming a reality.

A Note on Work

2009-01-15T22:58:00.005-05:00

So I'm just in a really good mood tonight and thought I would try to rub it off to all of my readers. Why the good mood? I'm not really sure. I had to work tonight and it was so amazingly wonderful even though it was so cold. I've been really enjoying my job lately. Like I don't mean to complain about my job in Dallas but I really didn't enjoy it there. The people that you work with makes all the difference. I felt like there was just a general negative attitude with the people that I regularly worked with there. It made me realize what a blessing my job here in Maryland is. It is filled with positive attitudes, respect for your other employees and genuine concern for your coworkers. It is so refreshing after what I was used to. Yes, it was a great experience for me. I'm just glad to get out of it. I hope that by working where I did in Dallas that I always remember to stay positive at work because it adds so much to the environment even if you're doing one of the lowliest of jobs such as bagging fast food :D

2009

2009-01-08T23:26:00.005-05:00

Can you believe it is 2009? I mean really. We are almost a decade past all the y2k stuff. I remember very well when everybody was worried about all that and now looking back it's hard to believe it's been nine years since all that junk. Wow. In other news. My new years was spent sick and working...great combination. It was my parent's 21st anniversary so I do believe they had a nice evening together.

Lately I have been working a lot and trying to get ready for the spring semester. I went and registered the local community college for the four classes I am going to take there. I am taking:

Composition and Literature II

Principles of Nutrition and Lab

Entrepreneurial Science

and Music Composition which will be online.

I was also going to take a Personal Health/Fitness Class and a History Class but I dropped those so I could do the AF ROTC program at UM. I'm not too upset about the Personal Fitness class, but I am kinda bummed about the history class. Oh well. But anyways to register for this AF ROTC program my mom and I drove down to the campus today. Which by the way is about 45 minutes away. That will be a fun drive every week. But anyways we started in admission because I really had no idea where to go. We didn't think it would be very hard because I only wanted to take one one credit hour class through the intercollege program that Maryland has. Well, apparently I was wrong. Very wrong. So we go down to admissions at about 11:00. Ask them where to go and how to proceed. The lady at the front desk (nice enough but totally clueless) didn't really know what to do of course so she goes and talk to somebody and is informed that she needs to talk to a certain gentleman at the college. Well, she tried calling him but of course he had just left for a meeting. Go figure. Well, she said we could start by filling out a transfer application. And she told me I was going to need an official transcript from Dallas Baptist University. Well I have an official transcript with me so I didn't think it was going to be a problem. But when I showed it to her she saw that wasn't in a SEALED envelope and I thought she was going to throw a fit. I thought she had to be joking. They were going to make me resend off for a new transcript in a sealed envelope so I could take one class and get one hour worth of credit. Turned out we didn't even need the transcript after all. But anyways I still had to fill out the transfer application. Now this is not some short one page application. This is a 6 page application. And from the application I thought they were going to need my ACT scores and me to write a 500 word essay. All for one credit hour. What really blows is I was already accepted to the community college and so since this is an intercollege program you would think this whole having to do two application thing wouldn't be an issue but apparently it is. So anyways...they didn't ask for the ACT score, the essay or the $55 application fee (I'm hoping I don't get a notice in the mail that I need to send them $55 dollars, but we'll have to see on that one. I gave the lady at the front desk the application and then we had to wait while someone that could enter into the system came and got it and then we had to wait while she put it in the computer system. They call me back up to the desk and tell me I am good to go register for my class. By this time it is 1:00. Did I mention that I was supposed to be at work at 3:00? So we go upstairs to registration. The lady at that desk looks me up in the system and was like have you taken the college orientation yet. I was like ummm...no. She explained well you can't register for classes until you have done the orientation unless you have special permission. She gave me a phone number to call so that I could either set up a time to do orientation or get permission to skip it. I call the number and ask if they could give me permission to skip the orientation and they inform me that each department of the college does their own orientation and so I would have to gain permission from the ROTC department before I could register for classes. I couldn't go to orientation because it was on the 23rd of January and classes at the community college start on the 21st and I have a class at that tine. Well I didn't happen to have the ROTC number on me so we decided to walk to the ROTC office. It was very windy and cold outside and UM is not a small campus. Finally, we reached the office and SANITY. They finally knew what they were talking about. The lady at the office a Captain Carlsen gave me the name of a lady in the registration office that could help me register for that class. Turns out that will be my professor as well so I'm thinking her class is going to be great because she seemed like a really nice lady. But anyways. It's like 1:30 or a little bit later by this time so we don't have time to walk over to the registration building again. So we have to go back over there and register for classes. But hopefully this time it will go a little bit smoother. Oh, and all the parking at UM costs. There is no like free visitor parking or anything. I don't they should make prospective students pay to park at their school. But that's just my opinion. But other than that UM is a beautiful campus even in the winter and there are so many huge sport complexes it is insane. But the whole hassle with nobody in admissions and registration not knowing what in the world they were talking about kinda diluted any aspirations I had of going there as a full-time student.

We stopped and got Subway on the way home becuase lately I've been on a Subway kick. By the way if you haven't had the prime rib sandwich from Subway it is amazing. I recommend it on the Italian Herb and Cheese bread with provolone cheese and whatever vegetables you like. It's delish! Lol.

I did make it to work on time and that went well. Even though it was about an 8-hour shift which usually gets long and boring. It actually wasn't too bad. We have about 6 new people that we've hired since I left and so far they all seem like they are pretty good. The interesting part of work was during closing. Two guys came to clean some of the parts in the kitchen and they took the parts and put them outside in the drive-thru lane to clean them. Well, a customer that didn't know we were closed went thru the the drive-thru lane and ran over these long metal parts. This bent them all up. And the company that is cleaning them was saying they weren't going to pay for it even though they should have kept the parts in the store and cleaned them there to begin with. So we had to call the operator and the operator had to talk to the guys. I don't know what the final resolution was, but I do know that we have to have those parts in full operation before we can run the fryers tomorrow morning at 5:30. Hmmm.....I wonder what will happen. So when I was walking out to my car I saw the parts still sitting in the drive-thru lane because the guys still hadn't bothered to move them. And two of the parts were completely bent out of shape and the other one was severly damaged. So yeah. And then the guys took some more of the parts out of the kitchen and put them in the drive-thru as well. It's like really...are you thinking this thru? Those parts just go ran over and you are going to put more of the parts in the same place. But anyways I've probably rambled enough for today. It was a very interesting day to say the least...

Oh and one more thing-there might be a new blog address in the next week or two and I will be sure to post it so stay tuned for that.

But back to the original post subject-

HAPPY 2009 EVERYBODY!!!!!

Seven Pounds

2008-12-29T15:19:00.003-05:00

I went and saw Seven Pounds last night with Aaron who is home for Christmas break as well. Let me just say this about the movie to begin with. Will Smith did a stellar job of acting in this movie. In fact, I would say the entire crew did. The entire movie was well done. The plot was fairly original which is beginning to be a hard to find element of a movie. The movie is rated PG-13 as many of you probably already know. Although this rating is warranted, it is borderline of a PG movie in my opinion. The primary reason for this rating I would say is the thematic elements. This movie could definitely be considered inspirational. It shows what one person can do to change the lives of those around him.

While You Were Sleeping

2008-12-27T00:14:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a long post. Just a warning...but it is something that I really want to blog about so I hope you read it.

At the Christmas Eve Service at Faith Community Church, two young men performed the following song-While You Were Sleeping. It is a song by Casting Crowns that like a lot of their songs has very powerful potential. I'm posting the lyrics below.

"While You Were Sleeping"

Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you're lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

Oh little town of Jerusalem
Looks like another silent night
The Father gave His only Son
The Way, the Truth, the Life had come
But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save

Jerusalem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
The Savior of the world is dying on your cross today
Jerusalem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

So reading through this in the beginning you get the idea that it is one of those great heart wrenching Christmas songs about Bethlehem and what could have been different on the night that Christ was born. And you might think, well that's great but has no relevance to me. But this simply isn't the case. You get to the end and everything-the whole message of the song-coms to light.
We are blessed to live in America. Don't get me wrong by this post. We are truly blessed to live here. But America isn't what it used to be. A nation that was once founded on Christian principles is now allowing same sex marriage, abortion, and other practices that should cause the human race to blush. As a nation, sometimes we are more worried about saving the whales than saving the human race. I'm not talking simply salvation in a spiritual nature although that could definitely apply, but the nation is not doing everything that it could to reduce poverty or end the murders that happen in our city streets everyday. Honestly I really don't have an answer to how end these problems much like many of the other people in the nation. I wish I did. But I think there is something that could be done. And I definitely am going to keep my ears, eyes, and mind open for solutions. But back to the song.
To the spiritual-Do we realize that Jesus could come back at any moment? The Bible says that Jesus would come back like a thief in the night. Yet, I know I for one live like every day is just another day for work to pile up, days filled with frustration, happiness. Lately, I've been trying to live my life so that it would have more of an impact on those around me. But I'm still not doing all that I could do. Are the Christians like me going to be caught sleeping-living life for our own pleasure and unconcerned with the fact that once Jesus does come back there are going to be thousands of people-many of whom we will know doomed to destruction.
More has to be done. We must impact our world for Christ. I'm still working on an overall plan. But you know what, our action -whatever it is-doesn't have to be big. It just has to be what God wants, and it has to make a difference. You don't have to save the world all at once. Just focus on one person at a time. That's all it takes. So I'm sorry for the long post, but this is something I really have felt God has been speaking to me about lately.

Home

2008-12-24T14:49:00.004-05:00

Finally, after three months, I am home once again. We left Dallas Thursday morning about 10 and stopped in Nashville that night and made it to Maryland Friday night at about 11. My return has been bittersweet. Yes, it is wonderful to back home with the family and once again sleeping in my own bed and not sharing a bathroom with 20 other girls, but at the same time I miss the community of the dorm life, my church, and the friends that I left behind in Dallas. But life is filled with bittersweet moments. If everything was perfect, we would not realize what the good times in life look like.
On a brighter note...We have family in for Christmas and have been having a great time. So far we've explored D.C. in 30 degree weather. Besides the weather part, it was a good time. I think the plans for the rest of the week include a hockey game, touring Annapolis, savoring Christmas memories, and visiting an aquarium.
I start work again on Monday. I'm looking forward to being back there.
Oh, and I guess academically this semester was pretty good. I left with a 3.6 GPA. The only B i made was in economics. Not bad...I expected worse from that class. I still need to go register at the community college.
But anyways....there's a little bit of catch up....

Changes

2008-12-10T23:06:00.004-05:00

This post may come as a surprise to many of you, but nonetheless it is true. I have decided that I will not be returning to Dallas Baptist University in the spring. Lately, I've really been feeling that God is wanting me to get up and start doing things to make this world better, and I don't feel like this is where I'm supposed to be anymore. I know that it was not a mistake that I came here this fall. I have learned so much about the Bible and about what I believe that it has really strengthened me. I have also made some friends who have really been an encouragement to me while I am here. So my plan for now is to go back home and go to a community college, and then transfer again to a state college in the fall. I'm excited but also a little nervous. Good news: I'll get my old job back! And I'll be living at home again. But everything should work out well. So I leave Thursday (a week from tomorrow) to head back home. And don't worry, Mom is flying in on Wednesday to help me make the drive. Bad thing is that finals start on Friday so somehow I have to manage to get all packed up and and do well on finals, but anyways that's what's going on...

Big Decisions Ahead

2008-12-01T23:31:00.002-05:00

So I've decided against the air force for now. Not that I'm not interested, it's just not the right time. So there's a relief to some relatives I know. But I am considering other possibilities which would bring about a lot of change in my life. So please pray and I will write more about it later. Also the next 3 weeks of school are going to be redic. like really.

The Old Economist

2008-11-25T21:55:00.004-05:00

So instead of falling asleep in economics this morning, I decided to write a story. To ensure that I was not totally scandalous, I wrote about economics...same thing right...anyways without further ado...

The Old Economist

He sits down in dim light. His glasses are perched upon the bridge of his nose. His eyes have been strained from the many hours he has spent pouring over economic graphs and charts. He now sits in his brown leather armchair at his maple wood desk located in front of a blazing golden fire. A light blanket is draped over his shoulders because of the slight chill still in the room as a result of the drafty windows. There he sits now with his head resting in both his hands. The daily newspaper is spread out before him on his desk. His passion in life is economics evident by the tear that rolls down his check onto the paper smearing the black type into a smudge. In all his years as an economist, he had never expected this. Yes, he had studied events like this such as the Great Depression, but those had only been words on the page. This was real. The hard times of the economy was waiting for him right outside his own bolted front door if it had not already let itself into the cozy environment of the economists home. The economists. In rapture he had watched the news nobody else wanted to watch-the business news. He had spent all his years predicting the prosperity of this nation. And now it was gone. The strong columns he had supposed were supporting his nation's economy had come crumbling down. His soul felt depressed. His whole career and life had been built on that which now lay trampled on the ground. All that was left for him in life was to die, and he knew it was coming soon because of health problems in which the chance of recovery looked bleak. Only now did the realization of the emptiness of his life hit him. He realized he had not experienced life as he could have. The regret overwhelmed him, and more tears rolled down his face. These were not tears of concern for his nation though; these were tears of regret of the feeling of a wasted life. And as a strong gust of icy air blew in through a crack in the window, his head fell and hit hard the wood surface of the desk. His soul left him-the morbidly, lonely soul that even with his wealth of knowledge about life had forgotten to stop and live to the fullest. He had neglected to enjoy the greatest gifts of life such as life, love, and laughter.

Take Time To Smell the Roses In Life

In case you couldn't tell, economics is not my favorite subject. But this could have been written about anybody. It didn't have to be about an economist. Work is an important part of life. It is God-ordained, but it is not meant to be an all-consuming part of our life.

Very Thought Provoking Video

2008-11-24T22:38:00.002-05:00

Watch this....Very thought provoking.

New Friends<3

2008-11-20T13:39:00.004-05:00

So there's three weeks left of school approximately, and I'm looking back in seeing the friends I've made. I've met so many awesome people but there are some who are really close to my heart.
Liz-Yeah you're not a new friend but it's been so wonderful reconnecting and hanging out with you! You definitely made the transition from high school to college easier.
Katie and Emily-"the duo"-you guys are awesome. you guys allow me to be crazy and you are so much fun to hang out with but are also there if I need someone to talk to. I love you guys.
Christina-Girl, you are such a blessing. Not only did you share with me your church, but I feel like we've grown really close to in such a short time. You make class enjoyable even though we complain about it through the whole thing. You're awesome.
So to everyone else, if you don't know these girls you are completely missing out!

Sheena's Smile

2008-11-19T00:09:00.000-05:00

So I watched Win A Date with Tad Hamilton last night. Sheena and I were commenting on the part about how many smiles the person has. I told Sheena she had several as well. She asked me how many, and although I couldn't answer immediately this is what I came up with.

YOUR SMILE

Your smile is infectious
Just like your laugh it spreads.
It's illuminating beauty graces the wearer.
But you don't have just one.
There's more than that to be noticed.

There's that one you have when you are around your friends.
A smile so big, no one else can compete, but you wear it well.
There's one when you are tired.
Still an undeniable sense of joy but mixed with lack of energy.
Another when you are surprised.
It's not a perfect smile, but definitely just as beautiful.
There's one that comes when you get excited.
Your smile as well as your eyes brighten with this one.
One when you look just plain gorgeous
And I wonder if you realize it, this smile seems so natural.
One I've noticed comes about when you laugh.
Your eyes almost shut with this smile portraying the joy you have in life.
One when you're trying to be cool.
It fits you so well, your lips purse together, but the ends turn upwards.
You have one there's no doubt your up to something.
It's a hard to describe but it's unmistakable.

And so, my roomie,
These are the smiles-the smiles that you spread all over a room
I've counted eight,
But then again I've only known you three months.
What else is hiding behind your smile?

<3

Hmmm

2008-11-13T01:17:00.001-05:00

So I'm thinking about enrolling in AF ROTC. I'm not really sure what I think about this yet, but we shall see. Please pray for me as I consider this.

Change the World

2008-11-04T23:39:00.001-05:00

I'll be honest. I'm pretty disappointed with the election results. I know there is nothing to be done about it now...or is there?
To those of you who do not share my beliefs, I'm sorry, but this is a free country and I am speaking my beliefs....
I am ready for change in this country as are many. I am hoping that this country can pull together and bring about a change in our nation that is at the other end of the spectrum than the change that we will see with Obama. Is this really what our country needs? What will it take for us to realize the truth of what this country needs? I know this is cliche, but BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE! I have sat passively just watching others change the world, but now I want to be the change. I am tired of just sitting around, I want to call on you, my friends, to join me in changing the world.

The Killer

2008-11-02T02:01:00.004-05:00

The Killer

When I saw it, I was paralyzed.
Claws and curved tail struck terror in me.
It sneaked around on the floor,
Staying along the wall as to better hide.

My next move I debated,
Should I cover him with a jar
or kill the creature
All my strength went into the shoe in hand
The creature was stunned, and appeared dead.

Had it really been that easy?
I breathed a sigh of relief,
And celebrated my victory
Until he moved again.

Once again, he started crawling stealthily.
He made his way into my bedroom
I threw once again a shoe at him
But this time I missed

I picked up the first shoe
But missed again.
Tears began to well in my eyes.
My enemy was nearing me, and I was unprepared.

Unprepared, emotionally and mentally.
I once again tried throwing the shoe.
It only scared him.
Soon he would be under cover, out of my reach.

I tried once more.
This time, the shoe landed forcefully upon him.
I waited for him to crawl out from the shoe,
But he did not, and so I can only imagine he is dead.

Only now am I regaining feeling in my legs.
Scared out of my wits I was,
And by such a small creature.
A small creature, indeed, a scorpion.

I don't' know what to call it.

2008-10-20T22:41:00.003-04:00

Just some thoughts...not sure you could call it poetry but I don't really care.

The first time I talked to you
It was as if we’d known you forever.
I was unafraid to share with you my heart.
Our friendship blossomed into a vibrant rose.
But as the seasons of life passed the bud soon withered.
I thought things would stay the same when we separated.
But now I know it won’t ever be as it was.
Our friendship is fading as quickly as it began.
My heart is breaking just as quickly as you first restored it.

The tears run down my face as I write this to you.
I am saying goodbye to the closeness we once shared.
I am no longer able to spill my heart’s stories to you.
And you have no longer shared yours with me.
We have both moved on, choosing our different paths.
And so while I hate to let this go, it is inevitable.
I remember with a smile the time I spent with you
But almost wishing we had never met to avoid this pain
So goodbye my friend, until our hearts meet again.

A hard night

2008-10-17T02:50:00.004-04:00

I'm not going to say much tonight. I've once again landed on the emotional rollercoaster. It's been a really hard night or early morning I guess. The past hour or so I have felt like shutting myself away. I wish i could numb myself right now from the hurt. I'm so glad Sheena was here tonight. She really encouraged me. I love that girl. Ruthanne also was there for me. But I'm off to bed. New Testament test tomorrow, english class, then I'm headed to Maypearl Tx. Maybe that will help with some of this chaos.

Vacation is Over

2008-10-13T14:21:00.003-04:00

My fall break is over and I'm sorry to say it but I now have to go back to school, work, and just life in general. Yes, it is back to reality. The classes are back in session, bosses are once again demanding my time, and the complexities of this world can no longer be ignored. Although I love school and DBU, I really enjoyed my time in San Antonio and cannot help but wish fall break could have lasted a little bit longer. Like an extra month or two. Well, right now I really should be cleaning up my room or studying for the exams looming before me. So it's back to the books.

New Poetry!

2008-10-11T01:47:00.006-04:00

I wrote new poetry and it may be one of my best...not saying much...but still

Love (inspired by a quote from Alphonse Marie de la Martine)

“The enchanted dawn of my heart”
Is lying dormant tonight
I'm lying in the dark
Waiting for love to walk into my life

I know not the giver
I only know that it is existent
I lie here waiting
Waiting for love in return.

What to Eat first

2008-10-10T10:26:00.003-04:00

So this post is going to be totally random....Alright? Good!

I was thinking yesterday as I was eating salad at lunch, why do we eat the cold items first while we let the hot food chill. Think about it. When you are eating a multi-course meal, the proper thing to do is to eat the salad first. Meanwhile, the pasta or whatnot is sitting on the table getting cold. It just doesn't make sense. Should this call for a revolution? So next time you are eating salad and the main course is then only lukewarm, think of this post. Love to all.

San Antonio

2008-10-05T17:02:00.003-04:00

So I'm in San Antonio for fall break. I drove here by myself on Friday night as soon as I got out of class on Friday. I was gone within 30 minutes. I left around 2:15 and I got here around 8:30, but I stopped in Belton and had lunch with an old friend Rebecca who I have not seen since sixth grade. We ate at Chilis with her cousin and I had the mesquite barbecue ranch salad. I got in and got to see my aunt and uncle and little cousin. The next day my aunt and uncle had a parenting conference to attend so I slept in and then helped my friends move. Then I got to go shopping with Liz. Today I went to my old church and saw old friends. It was pretty good. Tonight I am going to see another old friend and then going to youth group to act like a high schooler.

I Guess It Hit...

2008-09-30T21:48:00.003-04:00

I guess the fact that I am in college and away from home finally hit me today. It took a while, but it has finally sunk in. I realized this while I was in computer class listening as the teacher read off the power point. Maybe that's why fall break is coming up but anyways..this is the shortest blog post ever.

What I'm Learning at College

2008-09-27T15:50:00.004-04:00

So I've been at college almost 6 weeks which is absolutely phenomenally hard to believe...Here is what I am learning...

1. Being sick away from home is like 10x worse than being sick at home.
2. Economics is not my favorite thing in the world to study especially when I have a test coming up on Tuesday.
3. Working at campus cafeterias really isn't as great as I thought it would be.
4. Monday, Wednesday chapel is awesome!
5. Staying up till 3 in the morning and then getting up at 7 really doesn't give me enough sleep.
6. College is the only place you can eat ice cream for breakfast and get away with it! (I haven't done it, I promise. ;) ).
7. Campus gets really quiet on the weekends which can be good and bad.
8. Lofted beds are really hard to get in and out of with no ladder.
9. Cafeteria food really isn't as bad as everyone says-just survive on pizza and salad. ;)
10. Foundations is a waste of time, but has a whole lot of homework for only a 1-hour class.

So that's what is leaving an impression on my mind the past few weeks of college. I have fall break looming before me starting on friday so San Antonio here I come. I am so super excited!!!!

Mega Churches and 5-Alarm

2008-09-07T16:25:00.005-04:00

So today has been a little on the bold side for me. I went to a mega-church today, and I had the 5-alarm burger at Red Robin. Now neither one of those are too extreme, but i'm proud of myself for both of them...lol.

About the church...

I went to Gateway Church today. My friend Elizabeth goes there and so I went with her. She carpools with about 15-30 other people. Today they had 18 so the rides up there and back are a lot of fun. The church is about 30-45 minutes away from campus so unfortunately it's not that close. I really liked the church...it was awesome. Music was awesome. Sermon was wonderful. The pastor preaches in biblical, applicable, funny way. So I loved it. The only bad part is because we go with so many people. Whatever the group's plan for lunch is...that's what my plans for lunch are. They go somewhere after church every sunday and spend about $10 a meal. Sorry but that's not in my budget. I could drive myself, but then I'm spending 30-45 minutes worth of gas doubled. So I don't think I'm going to go there. However, I will probably go there this coming Sunday because a guy from campus that I know will be playing in the worship band and he invited me to go on Sunday. But anyways, the church has two campuses...they watch a live feed at the other one. They also broadcast their services online. Between the two campuses they have 10 weekend services. They also have 16,000 people. So this is huge. They are about to build a whole new main campus too. And to think that 8 years ago the church started in somebody's living room with 30 people. God is at work!

5-Alarm Burger-DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!! We went to Red Robin for lunch after church. They have so many options for meals there. It is insane. There were several things that looked delicious on the menu. But I finally decided on the 5-Alarm burger. This burger comes with seasoned meat, jalapenos, tomatos, lettuce, chipotle mayo (my new favorite thing EVER), tangy salsa, and pepperjack cheese (another new favorite). This burger is amazing!!!!! My mouth was on fire! And oh my gosh, the fries at Red Robin are amazing. Especially when you add the Red Robin seasoning to them. MMM.... And Liz got a oreo shake and she didn't want all of it so she shared with me. BEST shake I have ever had!!!! Red Robin=YUM!!!!

But now, unfortunately it's back to the mundane. Homework and sleep to get ready for the third week of school. It's going by really fast.

Oh, and last night I went to a coffeehouse in downtown dallas called Opening Bell with Liz to hear a girl from school sing. She was amazing. And I got a strawberry smoothie since I absolutely cannot seem to stand the taste of coffee unless it is in a Coffee-caramel milkshake from Chick-fil-a. So i stuck with my smoothie. I loved the atmosphere of the coffee shop. Unfortunately it itself wasn't in the best area. We passed a BIG party on the way there and we explored the building a little and almost accidently walked into a bar. Oopsss....but it was a great night! However I was trying to take pictures of the Dallas skyline from the parking lot and this guy that worked in the building told me i couldn't and that if anyone caught me they could fine me a lot of money. There were no signs posted so that was a little frustrated. I offered to delete them, but he said it would be alright....just to keep it in mind next time. Then I went to Liz's townhouse and chilled and watched a movie with her. Fun. Fun. Fun.

A Week Already??

2008-08-24T02:01:00.003-04:00

A week has passed since I have arrived at school. I have definitely been keeping busy. Unfortunately, the actual college experience with classes and jobs has begun. Summer camp is over. Well, it was nice while it lasted. I would say the best part of the welcome week was definitely the chapel sessions. We had a wonderful worship leader by the name of Jeff Johnson. If you ever get the chance to hear him, DO IT! But if you don't think you will get that opportunity at least go look him up on myspace and listen to some of his songs. He's awesome! I ended up going to church with my aunt that lives in Arlington now. I liked it. The church was Arlington Park Baptist Church. I my end up going there. I'm not sure. I'm going to try some others before I decide that. Classes started Monday.

I had Foundations for Excellence, New Testament Survey, Chapel, and Introduction to Language and Literature. They're not bad. I think that Foundations for Excellence is going to have way too much homework for just a 1 hour credit class. I think I'm really going to like my instructor for New Testament Survey. He hated school when he was in college so he tries to make it fun and interesting for us so that's cool. But it still has a lot of homework. Introduction to Language and Literature: well, the teacher cracks me up. She is an older lady with a LOT of personality. And she is not going to make us do any research for any of our papers it will all be information dealing with personal experience. We will only have one in-class essay. And I may have a potential close friend in there. So maybe english won't be too bad. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my slower days. Although I still have to be at class by 8:00. Ugh! I have Macroeconomics and Introduction to Computers. So far I am not liking macroeconomics. It's not really that bad. I just find it boring so far. But maybe it is because both times have been at class I have started to fall asleep. I don't know, it just puts me to sleep. Right after Macroeconomics I have Intro to Computers. It's not bad. I think it will be pretty easy. The instructor is as deaf as a post by his own admittance so that makes class very interesting cuz we are always repeating things.

Wednesdays are my busiest days. I have everything I have on Monday plus a class called Developing A Christian Mind aka "Worldview." I can already tell this class is going to have the most amount of homework. Let's see I have an interview due in September. An 8-10 page paper due in October right after fall break. Two 4-5 page papers due in November, plus a group project thrown in somewhere around then. The instructor seems like he will be pretty cool. But the class is 2-1/2 hours long so that makes it so hard to sit through.

Thursdays are pretty much like Tuesdays. Nothing spectacular.

Fridays are probably going to be my favorite days. Besides the fact that the weekend is coming up soon, I don't have to be at class at 8 on Fridays. YAY! Sweet sleep! I don't have Foundations class on Fridays so I don't have anything until chapel. But that's my class schedule in a nutshell.

Oh, and I got a job working at a cafe/50s diner type place on campus. I don't really like it there, but it is a job and it's on campus so it saves gas. I have worked every night starting on Monday night. Usually I will only work until 9, but yesterday I didn't get off work until 11. Joy! I am hoping I get Friday night off for some needed rest and time for homework. Saturday I am going to have to work from early morning to mid-afternoon and I have heard that the lady I will be working with isn't very fun to work with. We'll see. But anyways, that is what is going on with me......

I'm Here

2008-08-21T17:33:00.003-04:00

I made it to Dallas and l am trying to settle in and get into the routine of my new life. It is very different and I can definitely tell where it will have its challenges...but so far I am loving it for the most part. I just got back from an international mixer. It was very fun! The international students are very funny and seem to be really excited about just meeting new people. As far as meeting new people goes, I am meeting some new people, but have not yet really found any friends. It will come. I have only been here for 36 or so hours. I love my dorm room even though it is still messy and packed up. My roommate's name is Sheena. She's pretty awesome...we get along really well and we do a lot together so I guess that will all work out well. I am loving being back in Texas...except for the heat. It is so HOT today. The campus here is beautiful. I saw my friend Megan today. She lives in San Antonio but was up here to visit her grandmother. I had so much fun with her. I am trying to convince her to come here, but I don't think it's going to work...We are so crazy together it could be dangerous! So yeah classes start Monday....a whole 16 hours worth. WOOT! Life is starting to get very interesting...Pictures very soon!

So Much Going On

2008-08-19T00:05:00.004-04:00

So it's been almost a week since I blogged...So much has transpired since then that it will be difficult to even begin to relay to you those events.....But I'll try.....
Let's see...A Synopsis of the past 9 days....
Sunday-I went to Faith Community Church for the last time in a while. Kinda sad to say bye to my friends there, but the one I am really close to from there I got to see later in the week so that was good. Two groups of family friends threw a going away party for me and another friend who is going to live in California.
Monday-I worked, but I think that is about all I did.
Tuesday-Tuesday was a fun day....umm yeah...went to the doctor and ran a bunch of errands to try and get everything before i left for school.
Wednesday-I worked until 3 and then I hung out with Aaron till late! :D We went and ate at coldstone, hung out at chick-fil-a, and went to the mall....Great day!!!!
Thursday-Just worked ( a very emotional day for me at chick-fil-a) and did a whole bunch of packing...but not enough...
Friday-Another fun day....Had to be at work at 10, but managed to get a new i.d. card, get 3 shots, and get blood drawn before i went to work...more packing...
Saturday-Sad day! Worked from 9-2 for the last time till Christmas, left early because i was sick to my stomach. Thankfully, i got to feeling well enough so that I could hang out with aaron before he had to be at work at 4. We hung out at the library, 7-11, and K-Mart. It was great up until the time he had to leave. Then I had to say goodbye to him. :( It was so SAD! After that, I went home and my friend Ruthannne helped me wash my car. Then I had to say goodbye to her. Also extremely sad! Then I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning finishing packing...
Sunday-got up and left. made it to Cookeville, TN
Today-Made it to Texarkana....Back in TEXAS!!!!

The Perfect Song-Well, almost....

2008-08-11T18:50:00.003-04:00

I found this song on youtube today and it almost perfectly describes what I've been feeling lately. Things are getting much better, but this is kind of how they were before. If only I played guitar, but oh well... a little more insight....

Aaron

2008-08-05T09:31:00.002-04:00

So I've been hanging out with Aaron a lot lately. I know him from Chick-Fil-A. We have worked together for over a year, but we didn't really become friends until a couple months ago when our friendship just sort of blossomed, for lack of a better word. He has become one of my closest friends here, but we had not really hung out outside of Chick-Fil-A. So since we both start college in less than a month, we didn't have much time left.
On Sunday, we played soccer together for the Chick-Fil-A tournament. We lost all four games, but we still had a great time. And then he brought me home and we hung out till like 10 that night. We played some games, hung out at the river near my house, and took wacky pictures as you can see from the Slide below. On Monday, we worked together. And then we went to Nexus along with Ryan. Nexus in an alternative worship gathering at my church the first monday of every month. After Nexus was over, Aaron took the part of a gentleman and treated us to Taco Bell. Unfortunately the lobby was closed, so we went through drive-thru and ate out in the parking lot. After that, we really weren't sure what to do especially since it was like 10:00 at night and nothing is really open after that. So we went down to a cemetery and we were going to hang out there, but I chickened out and I'm not ashamed of admitting it. Besides, my mom found out what cemetery we were going to, and she got mad! I don't think she liked the idea of hanging out at the cemetery much anyway. Bright idea Ryan! Anyways, we were going to go to wal-mart after that instead since that is like the only place open, but my parents made me come home. So lame! But anyways, we might do that another time. But I had a great time and wish I wasn't leaving so soon in that respect.

Relationship Issues

2008-07-23T23:21:00.001-04:00

So I've been having a little bit of trouble with a relationship lately....Maybe that sheds some light on some of my comments in previous posts. Anyways, I'm still not going to write much about it, but I recently wrote a poem about how things were going and upon recommendation I thought I would post it.

Thinking of You

I can't stop thinking of you.

I wish you could end my pain.

With each time I see you,

A knife in my back digs deeper,

But not seeing you hurts even worse.

You say the distance is far too great

For a relationship to be considered.

It doesn't matter that we connect

Better than anybody I've ever met.

Isn't it worth just a try?

Do I keep the hope in my soul alive?

Or let these thoughts die?

Who would I be if I didn't care for you?

I've felt this way so long,

Could I bear the pain it would cause?

You look into my eyes and smile.

It's as if I can see and feel your care.

I wish I could end this feeling.

I can't stop thinking of you.

I wish you could end my pain.

So that's a little bit of what's going on there. Some of it is exaggerated a little bit, but not much. Anyways...that's that. Just pray for me if you think about it....thanks!

Onward!

2008-07-23T11:47:00.003-04:00

I am finally home, but not home to stay. Ryan and I leave tomorrow to spend a week in Pennsylvania with friends while my parents run off to Mexico. We got in this morning at about 5:30 after leaving Arkansas yesterday at about 6:00 in the morning. Fun stuff! It was a very long day. And I was exhausted.

I visited Dallas Baptist University. And to my surprise, I loved it! If I can get the money together, I will be attending there in the fall. Yes, finally a decision. However, for a couple of reasons, I am keeping this low-key, and not telling all my friends yet. Maybe sometime I can tell you guys the reasons for that. But anyways, right now I am trying to get shot records updated, scholarship recommendations and applications in. I've been very busy. Also school starts the 20th of August. So it's coming up fast. Less than a month. WOW! Well, I've got stuff to do so later....

Travel News....

2008-07-19T01:17:00.002-04:00

And here is Megan Bristow with your latest travel update....

That's what it's felt like the past few days....My family has not stayed in one place for over 2 days on this trip. It's been a lot of fun, but it is getting exhausting. Right now we are in San Antonio, but I guess I should backtrack a little bit.

We visited OBU, but I really am not "feeling" it there. I like SBU much better. OBU has a very nice campus, but it seemed to me like they didn't have their priorities set straight. I am sure it is fine for some people, it just wasn't for me....and if I am going to pay the price of a college education, I might as well go somewhere I will love. Some of it was just a lot of little things put together that I don't like....

1. The admissions counselor was more of a saleperson instead of at SBU the focus was on doing what God had in plan for you.

2. They had a apple lab at OBU as they did at SBU, however only art students could use it which was totally uncool as I am not nor will I ever be an art student.

3. The piano practice rooms could only be utilized by music students instead of them being open to any student at SBU. I have thought about being a music student, but it is not in the plan for right now.

4. I didn't like the town of Shawnee, Oklahoma as well as I liked the town of Bolivar, MO. I am ready for a little while at least for the calm, relaxed pace of a small town. Shawnee is about 3x as big as Bolivar.

I'm definitely not implying that OBU was bad, it just wasn't for me. However, things could change, and I could still decide to go there. You never know with me.

But I have to say that I am leaning towards Southwest Baptist University. And I have about a month before school starts. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

But we have been in Big Spring, Texas for the past few days visiting with grandparents. Today we drove to San Antonio, TX. We are staying with my aunt and uncle who have a 2 year old girl, and a 4 month old baby boy. They are very cute, and should make our time here very interesting.

We leave here on Sunday afternoon to go to Dallas. And Monday afternoon, I get to tour Dallas Baptist University. This is our last college tour so hopefully things turn crystal clear soon. So I've got a busy weekend, and I am sure I will need sleep to operate...so I'm going to end this post for now.....Later.

SBU yesterday...OBU tomorrow

2008-07-15T23:11:00.005-04:00

So I did tour Southwest Baptist University yesterday. Before I go on about the school, I want to say that that the staff at SBU is incredible! Out of all my admission counselors I have worked with, Kyleigh from SBU has been the most phenomenal. She has treated me as a friend who actually cares about you instead of trying to make a "sale."

I really enjoyed the school. I thought Howard Payne University was my top choice, but now I am not so sure. I think if I could pick up and move SBU to Texas this would be a done deal, but seeing as how I cannot I am still trying to weigh the options. I think it may come down to who gives me the best T-shirt! :P

Here's what I liked about SBU:

1. Campus was kept up well. Very clean. Easy to navigate. Well maintained.

2. Campus was technologically up-to-date. They have so much high end electronic stuff there it can make your head swirl. And their main computer lab was just refurnished with brand new imacs. <3>

3. Food was good. Of course, I only had the salad bar, but it was still good.

4. The surrounding town was nice. Quiet. Small. Very nice.

5. Their chapel was amazing. I cannot even begin to describe how amazing it was.

The only thing I didn't really care for was the dorms. They are OLD. I guess I could live with it pretty easily. And the dorms at Howard Payne were pretty old as well so I guess it's not a big deal. But yeah SBU was great.

Tomorrow we are getting up early to drive to Oklahoma Baptist University. We have to be there at 1:00 and then after the tour we are driving to Big Spring, Texas to visit with family. so another long day tomorrow. Anyways, other than that I've just been chilling with cousins in Arkansas so things are going pretty good.

HMM....GO BEARCATS! or GO BISON!??????

Recent Travels

2008-07-14T02:14:00.002-04:00

To start off things, I did finally get my license. It was a long process, but it had to be done. Thursday my family went on a mini-vacation to Busch Gardens down in Williamsburg, VA. We spent all day there on Friday, and then came back on Saturday so I could work that night. This morning Ryan, mom, and I woke up so we could leave around 5:30 in the morning to travel to Bolivar, Missouri. We reached Missouri at about 3 A.M. Monday morning. I think we traveled through 7 states today. It was about an 18 hour drive. We are exhausted. Why Bolivar? Bolivar is the hometown of Southwest Baptist University. Since I still do not know where I want to go to college, I am on a college road trip to see my choices. Southwest is actually paying some of our gas bill and hotel bill just so we can visit them. It's pretty sweet! So we got in and are staying at one of like 3 hotels in this small town. And tomorrow at 10 I get to tour the campus. Hopefully, I will gain direction and guidance tomorrow. I'll write more later. But tonight or this morning, I am off to dream land.

FAILED!

2008-07-07T07:38:00.002-04:00

For those of you who knew, I failed my driving test on Saturday. Pretty disappointing. I couldn't complete the turnaround. Not really sure why. I've done it perfectly every time before. Anyways, the good news is that I nailed parallel parking. So now I am going to retake the test on Tuesday. Unfortunately, it is all the way in Easton, Maryland which is about an hour and a half away. We had to get this far away because there weren't many appointments open. We are still hoping someone around here will cancel. But anyway, please pray I pass. I really need to pass this time.

A Change Is Coming...

2008-07-04T00:23:00.002-04:00

I am determined to make a change in my life this coming fall. One for the better. I have decided that after being in select circles of Maryland society for almost a year now and still without being very acquainted with many people here that I am much too quiet. I really need to start breaking out of my shell and be more outgoing when I meet people. Why this fall? Well, in these circles of society, I think the people there already expect me to be quiet and I am not really sure to show them the other side of me. There is a louder, wilder side of me. It just usually takes a little while to show. So when I go to college in the fall, I am going to try to be more outgoing and bubbly from the start. I think this will be very good for me, but I also know this may be very difficult. In some ways I feel like it goes against my nature, but if that's what it is going to take to make a lot of new friends, well, I'm just going to have to give it a try.

Fighting Hard

2008-07-02T23:01:00.002-04:00

Karis left today. Well sorta. She's going to be staying in Virginia until like Saturday so I get to see her on Friday to celebrate the Fourth. I had a great time with her, but it went by way too quickly. But soon after she left, I felt the stress and worries streaming back into my thoughts. She really helped me ignore the stress for a while. Now, I find myself fighting the urge to get stressed out. It's not really going to help me in life if I get stressed out. So I don't really know what the point of stressing about all the STUFF in life is, it just seems to be very difficult not to. But anyways think it will help if I kinda get this stuff out.....So here goes....Totally understand if you skip this post.

1. Transcrips have still not reached the colleges-The colleges have been bugging me relentlessly for transcripts even though they are requested and should arrive there within the next couple of days. I keep telling them this, but they don't listen very well. Like yesterday, I was talking to Dallas Baptist University that morning and I told them that the transcripts were in the mail, and they said they would keep an eye out for them, and then that evening I got a message from them saying they were wondering where my transcripts were. UGH.

2. Trying to plan a trip to Texas/Missouri/Arkansas/Oklahoma this summer and it is not really falling into place. We are going to Missouri/Oklahoma to visit colleges. And Texas and Oklahoma to visit relatives. My family is also trying to go to Texas to get my driver's license there since it will be easier to renew since I am going to school in that area of the country. And who wouldn't want a TEXAS driver's license. (no commenting on this AARON.) But this more falls under number three. So you'll have to hold on a minute for that. Anyways, the trip is not really falling into place like it should be. And we are supposed to leave this Sunday. YIKES!

3. So I was going to get a Texas driver's license, but they will not accept my Maryland permit like they originally said they would so I now have to get a Maryland driver's license, and then when I go to Texas I can transfer it to a Texas license. Thankfully, I only have to take one road test. But apparently July is a busy time of the year for getting driver's licenses. So when I tried to schedule my appointment for the road test they didn't have much left. In fact, I am supposed to be taking the test on the 8th, but it's all the way in Baltimore. GREAT!!! So anyways, nervous about the test cuz I really don't have time to fail it. So it's either now or never. Well, I guess that's exaggerating it a little bit, but you get the idea.

4. Still trying to decide what school to go to. The one I really like (in Brownwood, Texas) looks like it is going to be much more expensive. Figures. So they are going to have to match the the other colleges or I will not be attending. And I am definitely going to let them know this. Do a little negotiating with them. Can't lose anything.

5. I only have like 50 days left at home or less. And then I'm gone. Only about 30 days in Maryland with all the traveling. And yes it is exciting, but there is also so much to be done. It can be overwhelming.

Anyways, I think that is enough said. Hopefully the next post won't be so dismal. But those are 5 of the major things occupying my mind's thought right now.

But happy 4th to everybody if I don't post again before Friday. Sorry if you don't stand behind America, but it doesn't change my opinion. The government definitely doesn't do everything right, but neither do we. And life in America is much better than life in a lot of other countries. So....Happy 4th of July!

It's All Over and Done

2008-06-29T23:27:00.005-04:00

So yesterday was the BIG DAY!

It took longer than expected to get ready. Hair had to be curled. Nails had to be fixed. Robe had to be ironed. But finally it was time to get in the car and go to the church where the ceremony was to be held. As we are about to turn into the church parking lot, the group in our car noticed that in the field adjacent to the church there is about 25-30 cows grazing in the church. I guess that is what happens when you graduate in a church on the outskirts of the bustling Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. It was quite funny however. Some one made the joke that the chick-fil-a cows came to see graduation. So thanks to the chick-fil-a cows for this special appearance.

After arriving, the processional and recessional was ran through one last time. Then it was time for photos. Group photos are always so difficult. It takes forever to get everyone in the correct spot, but hopefully they turned out nice.

After photos, the only thing left to do was to wait. We were told to wait for about an hour in the choir room. Don't ask me why they wanted us to show up that early, but that's what we were told to do. In the choir room, people played the instruments in the room, talked with the other graduates, or just sat there quietly and waited (like me). Finally, we lined up and got ready to march in.

Why do they play "Pomp and Circumstance" for graduations and such. It sounds so dreary. I mean I love the song, but it's just doesn't sound very joyous. But anyways that's a side note.

Special performances were given by those graduates who chose to perform, and then there was a student address, a short address by a pastor, and then it was time for the receiving of the diplomas and the moving of the tassel.

Probably the biggest difference about this graduation ceremony was that the student was not given the diploma by the school official. Instead, the student's parents gave out the diploma. This created a very special interaction between the student and the parents. It also made it harder for the parents, I think. Not only did they have to watch their child receive their diploma they also had to be on stage and hand it out. While students received their diploma, a short bio was read about the student emphasizing future goals and interests and achievements. My future goals were all wrong, however, for plans have since changed. But oh well. Who's going to know? After all the graduates had received their diplomas, all that was left was the throwing of the hats and the recessional parade. And then it was over, all over.

And now the event I've been preparing for for 17 years is beginning. In a way, it's already begun, but if you look at it that way, this is like one of the biggest stepping stones in this wonderful, frustrating, emotional, happy game called LIFE. Now is the time when I will be tested. Will I sink or swim?

But back to the day....I actually had several friends there at graduation. Leah Woodrum, Karis Wadsack, and four members of the Smith family. Thanks so much for coming guys. It really means a lot to me! So anyways that's how it went. It was very good, but afterwards, I have to say I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. Thanks to everyone for all your prayer, support, and encouragement along the way!

*SENIORS 2008*

My Day

2008-06-28T00:44:00.004-04:00

I had a pretty full day today. My mom had a doctor's appointment in D.C. this morning so Karis, Ryan and I hung out at Walter Reed. After that, we all went to IKEA to get some ideas for dorm room. I absolutely love that store. Their furniture just has so much personality. So that was really fun. Then we had to go run a few errands, but that's boring so I'll leave that part out. After that, I had to go pack for our trip to Pennsylvania. We left for Pennsylvania at around 4:15. Although it looked like a gorgeous day outside, we actually didn't have the best weather for our trip. About 30-45 minutes into the trip, we hit a REALLY bad rain storm. I hate driving in rain storms. Really kind of scary cuz you can't see the markings on the road or the road signs and you have all these 18-wheelers spraying additional water onto your windshield like it's their job to make your driving experience even worse. Yeah, whatever. Then we ran into 3 major traffic jams. We were really lucky to be able to make it to Chambersburg, PA before graduation rehearsal started. And we got grab a quick dinner before so an extra bonus there.
At graduation rehearsal, we estimated that there are about 38 in the Mason-Dixon Homeschool Class of 2008. Of those 38, I know no one besides myself. And I am not totally sure of that. Kind of a bit different circumstances than most kids are accustomed to for graduation, I guess. But it should be interesting. And I promise to post pictures soon. I'm not really sure what I think of the ceremony so I'll have to tell you about that.
After we got done with rehearsal, we were supposed to help decorate the reception area for tomorrow. However, it was kind of disorganized so we helped a little bit and then left.
After everything associated with the graduation rehearsal, we went to our home for a day-the Woodrum's House. Thanks guys so much for letting us stay here! Leah, Karis, Ryan, and I watched August Rush. And for anyone who has not seen that movie, I highly recommend it. Especially if you like music. It's kind of different from any other movie put out that I have heard of. I mean the story is pretty common but the way it was told was definitely different and appealing. But anyways, that was my day. It was a great day. Kinda sorry to see it end. But hopefully tomorrow is even better!

The Ups and Downs

2008-06-26T20:59:00.003-04:00

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes these are found over a period of time such as months, and other times the ups and downs fluctuate within a period of hours or minutes. Today was a perfect example of the latter. I worked until 4 today. And no offense to any Chick-Fil-A people who are reading this. But it was kind of a tough day at work. I got a promotion, and today was the first official day as team leader. And so I am trying to learn all my new responsibilities. And I think there are some people who are not willing to wait while I learn. But anyways. My mom came in to eat around 3:30. She asked how I was doing and I pretty much summed up the day by saying I was hot, tired, and frustrated. All that would soon change though.

The next person that came to my register was my best friend who lives in Germany. I have not seen this girl in 5 years. Needless to say I was excited. After I finally got over the shock, I wanted to shout. But since I was working the front line that was kind of out of the question since we are supposed to keep our composure at all times. So Karis I am so sorry I did not seem as surprised as I was inside. I am so glad you are here!

I could not wait until 4:00 to come! I had known she was coming but she was not supposed to come until the 3rd or so I thought. She flew over early and her family will be her the 3rd. She came to see me graduate!!!! This means more to me than I can say. So tomorrow we are going to go to IKEA and Washington DC. Not really sure what we are going to do there, but whatever it is it will be fun. And then we leave for Pennsylvania to get ready for graduation. So yeah, the day sure had a turn around. And it was definitely for the better!!!!

Not Sad to Say "Goodbye"

2008-06-22T11:47:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, I completely finished driver's education. I can say without a doubt I was not sorry to complete this necessary evil. I finished the classroom part of driver's ed in May. I have very fond memories of this class. It was so wonderful that I, in fact, nicknamed it "Drawing Exercise" Class because of the hundreds of doodles found on my notes. In my opinion there were three things that class was good for:

1. Getting a chance to sit down (and almost fall asleep) and think through everything in life.

2. A chance to once again realize that I will never be a famous artist.

3. And I guess there were a few things I learned in the class. BUT not enough to warrant 30 hours in a classroom for 2 weeks. And $375 down the drain.

A few notes about the teacher of the class:

She was very brash. Definitely not afraid to say what she was thinking.

Students were not allowed to use cell phones in class, but she probably received 5-20 calls per class session.

Our breaks were always long so that she could have her smoking break.

She was late at least 20 minutes 3 times, yet we were harshly scolded for being 5 minutes late.

One day she did not even show up for class-not entirely her fault. But it still was frustrating. Especially when you get off work early and drive 15 minutes just to go to this class. And don't forget about the 45 minutes we waited for her to show up. The problem-Her vehicle registration wasn't current so the military police would under no conditions let her on the base. Oh, and of course we were expected to make up this class on her time.

But moving on......

The behind-the-wheel sessions of this class were definitely more exciting, but still undesirable. To complete this class I had to have 3 2-hour sessions. I had one last Tuesday, another one this past Tuesday, and of course the one yesterday. My first instructor was about 10 minutes late. And then she had been busy all morning so she thought she ought to eat a quick lunch before we left. Fine with me....less driving time on my part. She was alright as an instructor, pretty lax, and she talked a lot and let me pick a radio station which made it more enjoyable and less awkward. If only, I could have had her as my second instructor.

My second instructor I have a less than favorable opinion of. For several reasons:

1. She fell asleep on me while I was practicing parallel parking. (I heard her snoring!)

2. She was the final straw that inspired that long vent of frustration posted earlier about homeschooling.

3. She was brash and extremely intimidating-and visibly proud of it!

4. Had to listen to her music-Umm...yeah.

5. She directly told me that I needed to be able to drive so that I could go out and get a job so that I could pay HER social security. Ok, I have a job and that is definitely not the reason I got a job. That might be more of a reason not to get a job. And just because you can't drive doesn't necessarily mean that you cannot work. This to me seemed like a very inappropriate comment.

And then towards the end of one of the longest 2 hours of my life, she repeatedly emphasized how she hoped I had enjoyed this session. Yeah, um....no.

Thankfully, my third instructor was much better. I again was allowed to listen to my choice of radio station. (Makes sense-since this is a paid session.) She was an excellent instructor. The only problem I had with her was that she was Korean. Not that I have anything against Koreans, it was just VERY difficult to understand her through her poor grammar and her heavy accent.

So anyways.....that is my review of my experience with CB services driving school. Not recommended, but they are one of the cheaper places around here. So I guess a lot of people might want to put up with all this stuff.

But the good news. I am that much closer to getting ready for my license!!!! I still need about 30 hours of recorded supervised driving. But all of my instructor pretty much told me that if needed to that we could overlook that. That's good in case I don't get it done before I leave for college. So anyways that is something I've been working on for the past 2 months and was very glad to be done with.

A Glimpse into a Chick-Fil-A Day

2008-06-20T17:40:00.007-04:00

I worked today from 11:30 to 4:00. Now Fridays at Chick-Fil-A are normally busy. But today was especially busy. Not really sure why either. Both the front line and the drive through were slammed during lunch rush.

Sometimes on Fridays during lunch hour we implement what we call the Drive-Thru play. Instead of giving your orders to a person through the speaker box. You would instead give your order to a individual outside who can also allow you to pay outside if you are paying with a credit card. This is an attempt to improve guest satisfaction, speed, and provide face-to-face interaction. Most of the guests really enjoy this when we do it. The problem is this makes working in the drive-thru even more intense because of the fast pace. But back to the story.....

I got to work and like the minute I got there I was placed on drinks. The person that was doing this job already was needed elsewhere in the drive-thru. Replacing someone on drinks can sometimes be difficult. It is sometimes hard to tell what drinks they have gotten and what drinks need to be made. So after learning my place, everything went relatively smoothly. Until around 1:00. Around 1:00 the lunch rush starts to slow done for about half an hour or so. This made the person outside taking orders a little bit ready to come in especially because of the heat. So I switched places with her. Taking orders outside, although it is hot, has got to be my favorite job at chick-fil-a. You get a fast-paced job, but still have face-to-face interaction. So anyways I did that for about an hour, and then we reverted back to old methods and used the speaker box again to take orders since the rush was now winding down. When I got inside, my next job was already lined up for me. I was pretty much put in charge of a birthday party. I had never done this before so it made me a little bit nervous. But it went fine. I was t

he person who got all the food for the kids, got them ice cream, helped to clean up the tables, got their drinks, and helped with the "cow" appearance. A Chick-fil-a birthday party last up to 2 hours. So although I was scheduled til 3. I was asked to stay til 4 to finish up the birthday party. But anyways. The kids had a great time and really enjoyed the cow and none of them were scared of it like they normally are. By the time the birthday finished up and it nearing 4:00, I was ready to go home.

So a brief summary of the day,

I got to do some things that I don't normally do which provides a little variation from day-to-day. Also, it was a hectic day, but it was for the most part a controlled chaos. For some reason, I like the controlled-chaos days.

So anyways. That was my day. Probably more details than you ever wanted to know.

Finishing the Job

2008-06-19T23:24:00.003-04:00

So most of you guys probably know that I am graduating this month. June 28. At the moment, I have just about wrapped up with high school coursework. I know it's late, but that's okay. To graduate this year, I had to finish my 2nd year of Spanish. When we went to see my high school evaluator in May, I was told I actually had enough credits to graduate. At the time I had just finished Spanish 1. She told me the only thing lacking for me to graduate with honors was one more year of foreign language. To be honest, I don't think I really expected to actually finish a year of spanish in about a month. But it can be done. And it could have been done a bit faster, but I have a bit of a slacker attitude when it comes to spanish. Especially after doing a couple of lessons a day. So I am almost done with that....have a few worksheets left. Then, I have a couple of days left in government and then I have one more test in economics. Needless to say, I am very excited about finishing up.

So anyway that's where my high school life is at right now.

Tired of the Question

2008-06-17T21:19:00.003-04:00

Ok. Tonight I am going to vent a little frustration. I am so tired of the question "Where did you go to school?" I received that question today and when I told her I got the response "Oh." And that "Oh." had a very negative connotation. People are dead wrong when they think homeschoolers don't have the necessary skills for life. I get so many responses where people are like homeschooling is all well and good, but what about your social activities. Believe me, I am social. So are most home schoolers. I do have a life. I do hang out with other teens. School is not the only place you can hang around people. And maybe there is such a thing as too much socialization? There are times when you need to just be still and reflect on life.

Another common negative view of homeschooling is that we just goof off all day. REALLY! Most states now require that homeschooling families have to be evaluated by a qualified individual. This person reviews all the work that you have done over the year and decides whether it is on par with modern education. If you lag behind, you will have to make some changes. And if you are doing a really bad job, they can report you to the government and your child can be made to attend a formal school. This is not something where the parent has entire control over the school. There are state laws that have to be followed.

So I'm sorry for all the frustration. But 2 additional comments.

1. If you are supportive of homeschooling-thank you!

2. If you are unsupportive of homeschooling-Homeschooling is a federally recognized form of education. Most homeschooling families are doing their jobs the right way. And many homeschooling families get tired of the above views of homeschooling. You're entitled to your own opinion, but please know that you may be causing frustration on the other end.

Emotional Numbness and Pain

2008-06-17T21:11:00.005-04:00

I believe there are two extremes of negative emotional feeling. There is deep emotional pain where you feel everything and there is emotional numbness where you don't feel anything. Lately I cannot decide whether I prefer the emotional numbness or the deep emotional pain. Recent circumstances have caused me to experience this frequently. Some days I feel like I am walking through a fog and there seems to be no way out. Other times I feel a deep piercing pain. I have tried so hard to forget the circumstances but it is incessantly refreshed in my mind. Some days I move forward and forget the incidents, and I think I am done with the feeling for the time being. But then the next day it is back stronger than ever. How can I move past all this when it is constantly refreshed in my mind? This intensity of emotional feeling is new for me and I have not learned how to handle it. The one medicine I have found right now: laughter. I can thank my brother for providing most of this. He can always make me smile. Still I hope that the feeling ends soon and that valuable experience can be gained from this.

Wisdom Teeth Removal In Review

2008-06-12T13:28:00.003-04:00

So I had the procedure done yesterday. All four wisdom teeth were taken out. I was doing fine nerve wise until we actually got into the parking lot of the office. But it really wasn't that bad. Well, at least the surgery part. They put me to sleep and all I felt was them putting the IV in. I was probably out within five minutes. When I woke up, they were all done. They let me rest for a few more minutes and then I went home.

The hardest part has got to be after the surgery. I was extremely swollen for a little while, but by this morning I had feeling in all parts of my mouth which makes it much easier to eat :D . Unfortunately, the loss of numbness in your mouth also means the pain is much more acute. I think there must have been complications on the right side. The right side is very sore while the left side is hardly sore. I wear this ice pack around my head to help the pain and the swelling. I am now on antibiotics and pain medicine.

So in conclusion, I am doing well. Thanks for all the prayers. I am not sure I would recommend this, but I guess it is necessary. Also not sure whether or not it is easier to have all four taken out at one or one or two at a time. Anyways. Guess that's all for now.

Less Teeth Tomorrow

2008-06-10T19:07:00.003-04:00

So.....

Tomorrow I am having wisdom teeth taking out. And although I have heard it goes really well and the pain is not that bad. I am a little nervous. Never really had surgery of any kind before and the oral surgeon part of the dentist's title just makes it sound ominous. They're putting me to sleep so it shouldn't be too bad. It's a 2:30 in the afternoon tomorrow and prayers would be appreciated. One of my main concerns is looking like a chipmunk. I guess that's expected but so not looking forward to it. I think I'll stay in the house until my cheeks unswell. Anyways, that's what's going on tomorrow and CHIPMUNK will let you know how it goes later.

Decisions.....

2008-06-01T21:47:00.006-04:00

I am finding that life's decisions continue to get harder as I get older. The decisions are no longer those decisions that an adult could make in a few seconds but because I was young were much more important to me and instead took longer. The majority of life's decisions right now seem as if they could have a profound impact on my future life. This sometimes instills in me a feeling of intense fear. The power that I have over my life has recently seemed to dramatically increase. Although I the power has always been there, it has been harder to recognize in the past. In some ways it seemed much easier when someone else seemed to hold the strings of my life.

On the other hand, the thought of independence, as it does to many people, is enrapturing to me. Each of these feelings can be so overpowering that I am afraid at many times to make a wrong decision because of the intensity of them. To add to the mix, the confusion of these two conflicting feelings in my mind is sometimes overwhelming. And the harder the decision the more these two perspectives seem to be at war.

Now I am not trying to imply that decision are always unwelcome. Many decisions have very positive effects on the lives of us and those around us. Making these decisions to the best of our ability is our responsibility.
As to the decisions I feel forced to make at this time, I believe future reading of my blog will provide light on my life's decisions.

A Blog?

2008-06-01T15:10:00.001-04:00

A blog? Yes, I figured it was time I got a blog. Not sure how this experiment will work, but we'll see. I have a story to tell....just like each one of you. Every one of us has the potential to change the world with our stories. But we can't unless it's out there. Now, whether mine will change the world is unlikely, but hey, you never know. So I'm giving it a shot. I may turn out to be one of those bloggers who doesn't update it for months, but oh well....

Well, for now.....that's enough.