So Sad

I've spent the better part of the afternoon and evening on the brink of tears. I don't feel like sharing about the cause right now. But I will post a poem that I wrote about it this afternoon.

FLY AWAY MY LOVE

I stare at the same moon.
Yet you are so far away.
Our hearts used to be so close,
But now we are nothing.
The dreams have wasted away
Till they're nothing but a sad memory.
I want to hold on to you,
But you fly further away everyday.
Trying to keep you that near to my heart,
It's tearing me apart.
And so goodbye, my love,
Till the day the Lord may destine us together.

As of right now, this is not my course of action, rather the one I probably should be taking. Maybe someday I'll learn to follow my own advice to myself in this subject area.

Home

Finally, after three months, I am home once again. We left Dallas Thursday morning about 10 and stopped in Nashville that night and made it to Maryland Friday night at about 11. My return has been bittersweet. Yes, it is wonderful to back home with the family and once again sleeping in my own bed and not sharing a bathroom with 20 other girls, but at the same time I miss the community of the dorm life, my church, and the friends that I left behind in Dallas. But life is filled with bittersweet moments. If everything was perfect, we would not realize what the good times in life look like.
On a brighter note...We have family in for Christmas and have been having a great time. So far we've explored D.C. in 30 degree weather. Besides the weather part, it was a good time. I think the plans for the rest of the week include a hockey game, touring Annapolis, savoring Christmas memories, and visiting an aquarium.
I start work again on Monday. I'm looking forward to being back there.
Oh, and I guess academically this semester was pretty good. I left with a 3.6 GPA. The only B i made was in economics. Not bad...I expected worse from that class. I still need to go register at the community college.
But anyways....there's a little bit of catch up....

A hard night

I'm not going to say much tonight. I've once again landed on the emotional rollercoaster. It's been a really hard night or early morning I guess. The past hour or so I have felt like shutting myself away. I wish i could numb myself right now from the hurt. I'm so glad Sheena was here tonight. She really encouraged me. I love that girl. Ruthanne also was there for me. But I'm off to bed. New Testament test tomorrow, english class, then I'm headed to Maypearl Tx. Maybe that will help with some of this chaos.

Emotional Numbness and Pain

I believe there are two extremes of negative emotional feeling. There is deep emotional pain where you feel everything and there is emotional numbness where you don't feel anything. Lately I cannot decide whether I prefer the emotional numbness or the deep emotional pain. Recent circumstances have caused me to experience this frequently. Some days I feel like I am walking through a fog and there seems to be no way out. Other times I feel a deep piercing pain. I have tried so hard to forget the circumstances but it is incessantly refreshed in my mind. Some days I move forward and forget the incidents, and I think I am done with the feeling for the time being. But then the next day it is back stronger than ever. How can I move past all this when it is constantly refreshed in my mind? This intensity of emotional feeling is new for me and I have not learned how to handle it. The one medicine I have found right now: laughter. I can thank my brother for providing most of this. He can always make me smile. Still I hope that the feeling ends soon and that valuable experience can be gained from this.